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Tomorrow's Headlines

November 3rd 2012 21:21
: Today!
We're trying something new this week. I will be guessing what the prominent headline will be for each city of each game. As a bonus, I will also attempt to guess ESPN's headline for each game. Obviously, I'll get most of these right. But will I get all of them right? Only time will tell...

Denver @ Cincinatti
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Week Seven Quick Picks

October 21st 2012 16:46
: Have the Hawks Played Yet?
As I posted on Facebook a couple of days ago, yes, the book is done. The column should get back to normal starting next week. As for this week, I want to punch my computer square in the screen. There have been a lot of nights staring at a blank screen and now that it's finally done, it's going to feel good getting away from the computer for a little bit. So some quick picks this week...

Titans 31, Bills 21
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Next time Bring Gloves!

October 14th 2012 18:13
: My Awesome Sunday spent getting clawed all day
I have two cats, and neither one were my choice. I had a girlfriend that talked me into getting both cats despite my less-than-excitable reaction to the idea of adding animals to my household. The girlfriend didn't last but the cats did. When I first got the second cat, she was maybe a month old. She was stressed out about a new surrounding and having another cat nearby, so I spent her first night laying in my living room while she slept on my chest. From that moment on, she developed a kind of co-dependency with me. She has never liked being away from me, and she absolutely hated leaving the comfort of her home. This makes going to the groomer extremely tough.
For whatever reason, Baby Cat (yes, that's her name. The older one is Mama Cat. They are not related) never learned how to take care of her matting. As a long-haired cat who lives in hot weather, this becomes a big problem every year. She becomes this giant ball of un-comb-able fur and every time it becomes impossible to try and cut the mats off myself. So here is my dirty little secret:

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Week 5 Picks

October 7th 2012 16:28
: Shamelessly Mailed In
I know, I know...this will be the second column that has been mailed in over the last 3 weeks. But here's the thing. I'm very, very close to finishing a book that I should have finished writing months ago. If I don't have it done in the next week or so, I'm going to gouge my eyes out. And then it's going to be REALLY tough to write a picks column. So if you can handle another quick picks column, Unsportsman will be back strong in the very near future.

And why is it taking so long? Because of days like Friday, when instead of writing I get talked into going to see Taken 2 (Electric Boogaloo). I won't spoil it for you, but just know that Liam Neeson does Liam Neeson things while talking in that Liam Neeson voice. Oh, and there are two action sequences involving his teenage daughter doing Liam Neeson things. I can handle Liam walking into a roomful of armed guys and walking out alive, but you are asking a bit much from me when his teenage daughter is

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Playing Yahtzee with the Coach

September 28th 2012 23:27
: And thanking the replacement refs
I met Dennis Erickson for the first time in 1998. At the time, he was the coach of my favorite team, the Seattle Seahawks. Before that, he was the coach of my least favorite team, the Miami Hurricane. Growing up near Seattle, my family had season tickets to the Washington Huskies. We went to every home game for something like 5 or 6 years. Even after we moved to Montana, we still went to every home game. My parents would pick me up from school on a Friday afternoon; we would drive the 8 hours to Seattle, pull in around midnight and crash at a friend's house (almost always we would stay with fellow Unsportsman writer Sleepless in Seattle). The next day we would watch the Husky game, celebrate that night, and then spend Sunday driving back to Montana (usually while listening to the Seahawk game).

The Washington Huskies of the early 90's were unbelievably good. The 1991 Washington Husky team was one of the top 5 teams of all time. That team outscored its opponents 495-115. Other than a 7 point win at #7 California, no other game was decided by single digits. Coach Don James, one of the most respectful coaches to ever play the game, almost never played the first string after halftime. The team was that good. I remember one game (I think it was Arizona) where James had played the 2nd and 3rd string for most of the game. After shooting out to a 40 or 50 point lead, James had been calling for running plays up the middle so not to run up the score, happy to punt the ball back to the Wildcats as a show of sportsmanship. In the 4th quarter, Arizona decided it was going to go for it on 4th down against the UW freshman. James, feeling slighted by a team he had been taking it easy on for 3 quarters, called timeout. The crowd roared as the 1st string defense strutted back on the field. The 4th down try was stuffed for a loss of yardage

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Birthday Weekend

September 23rd 2012 16:18
: Week 3 picks
It's a birthday weekend here at Unsportsman with almost half of our writer's celebrating the self-proposed holiday (yes, all 2 of us). We'll be back next weekend with a full column. Here's your quick picks:

Bears 21, Rams 17
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Week 2 picks

September 14th 2012 22:19
: Where the Hawks are still picking up their teeth
Cleveland @ Cincinnati
So in case you missed it last week, Cleveland scored a touchdown to go ahead by 5 in the 4th quarter their game against Philly. Go for a 2-pt conversion, be ahead by 7. Pretty simple, right? Nope! Cleveland's coach (someone named Pat Shurmur) kicks the extra point, Weeden out-Vick's Vick by throwing 4 interceptions of his own, the Eagles score a late touchdown and kick the extra point for a very sloppy 17-16 win. I could break that down even further, but really, that's all you need to know about the Cleveland Browns this year.
Bengals 21-20
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Happy to be Back

September 7th 2012 17:14
: A conversation with an Alien and Your Week 1 picks
So thank you for doing this, I'm excited to finally get some answers to these questions.
Please, the honor is all mine. I mean, how often do we get to talk to an alien? How long have you been down here on Earth?

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A Lone Rangers Win

April 13th 2012 20:15
: Hits and Misses
Get it? Because we only won a single game out of the four against Texas. Pretty clever, right? Puns! Before I get into the hits and misses of the series, I want to take a second to talk about Time Warner Cable. If you remember from an article last year, they suck. Actually, I might have written that a few times over the last couple years. Since I live in California, there aren't a lot of Mariner games to be seen on TV. I imagine that is true for anywhere other than Seattle. So, every year, I purchase the MLB Package, which is supposed to show every baseball game throughout the season. Granted, there are a few blackouts for local television, but since the Mariner's aren't the local team, that rarely affects me. So, two days after spending $170 on the package, Game 3 versus Oakland wasn't on any of the channels. Not blacked out...just not listed. Anywhere. Naturally I was irked, so I called into customer service. The call was awesome.

TW Customer Rep: How may I help you

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Opening Series in Japan

March 30th 2012 17:07
: Hits and Misses
Well, not the entire series. Half an opening series in Japan. Actually, there were a few exhibition games too. But we're not going to cover those. Which is good, since writing things like "The Hanoi Tigers beat the Mariners by ten" would get kind of depressing. But hey! We have baseball again! Seattle played the first two games of their season against the Oakland A's in wonderful Japan. Might I add these were considered home games for Oakland, which sucks for them, but is pretty cool for us sice the 40,000 or so that were in attendance were all rooting for Ichiro and the Mariners pretty heavily. Or as heavily as fans in Japan are able to get for a baseball game featuring two pretty awful teams. After two games, the Mariner's are 1-1 and tied for first place. Momentum! Lets get to the Hits and Misses...

Hit: Ichiro. Four hits in his first meaningful game in Japan in twelve years. That guy is amazing. It's sad to think we will probably only get a few more years of watching him play. Enjoy it while you can

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