Winless In Seattle
Steve Sauro
Elliott SmithYour guide to the Academy Awards
February 27th 2011 01:18
:
Oscar Picks!
When I first moved back to California, I figured it would take a couple of weeks to get settled and during that time I might miss a column or two. But, I was able to finish out the NFL season by turning in a piece a week up until the Seahawks finally ended their playoff run by showing up to Chicago sometime around the middle of the 4th quarter. What followed was an epic amount of short-sightedness by yours truly. I enrolled to return to school to finish up my degree (10 year plan finally coming to an end), signed on for four different basketball leagues (four different days with four different teams. I am apparently unable to say no to hoops), and during all that the workload at my actual job doubled. Couple that with the Mariner's big offseason move being the signing of a soft hitting middle infielder, and all of a sudden the columns weren't getting churned out. I did have one article asking which was worse, Michael Vick being allowed to have a dog or Big Ben being allowed to have a fiancee, but that got scrapped due to it being slightly too dark (I had a lot of actual quotes from Big Ben's court documents. Seriously, Ben Roethlisberger is a really bad person).
However, this all changes today. Being as big of a movie fan that I am, and with the Academy Awards being tomorrow, it is time to start a new tradition. Coming off of a stellar NFL season where I nailed somewhere between 60-70% of my picks (not counting my dismal performance in the playoffs. Ooofta), and with many gambling sites laying odds on Oscar winners, it's time to start an Academy Awards column. I would give some kind of "please gamble responsibly", but if you're gambling on the Oscars, what's the point? Also, we're sticking with the major categories here. Although I do want to say that Trent Reznor winning an Oscar would absolutely make my day. Especially if the orchestra plays him off with "Closer".
Best Supporting Actor:
Christian Bale, 'The Fighter'- The odds on favorite. Finally getting his due for "Batman Begins" and "The Dark Knight".
John Hawkes, 'Winter's Bone'- I have nothing against John Hawkes, but Winter's Bone was far and away the most boring movie I've ever seen. The fact anyone got nominated for anything other than "Best sleep inducer" is mind boggling.
Jeremy Renner, The Town'-Love him, not going to win.
Mark Ruffalo, 'The Kids are Alright'-Never saw it. No idea.
Geoffery Rush, 'The King's Speech'- He was excellent, although I was a bit tipsy. I might be the first person to ever go drinking with his friends and then convince them to go see a British film about a 1920's king.
Who will win: Christian Bale. He's already prepared his acceptance speech.
Who I want to win: Geoffery Rush. Did a great job, and I'm pretty sure we'll never see him lighting up a crew member like old Bale up there.
Best Supporting Actress:
Amy Adams, 'The Fighter'-I love me some Amy Adams, and she's already been nominated twice before, a definite dark horse.
Helena Bonham Carter, 'The King's Speech'- A personal favorite since she was in "Fight Club" AND "Novocain". Plus she's married to Tim Burton, so she seems cool on all levels.
Melissa Leo, 'The Fighter'-Never heard of her before this week. Had to go to her IMDB page and I'm still not sure if I've ever seen her in anything.
Hailee Steinfeld, 'True Grit'-Cute kid, definitely has a future, but I don't think she's taking home the hardware.
Jacki Weaver, 'Animal Kingdom'-Ditto what I said about Melissa Leo.
Who Will Win: Apparently Melissa Leo, although I'm hoping someone will point her out during the ceremony.
Who I want to Win-Carter or Adams. For two entirely different reasons.
Best Actress:
Annette Bening, 'The Kids are Alright'-She was in this too? Huh.
Nicole Kidman, 'The Rabbit Hole'-Because Nicole Kidman could remake Soul Plane and get a nomination. Am I the only one that thinks she sucks as an actress?
Jennifer Lawrence, 'Winter's Bone'-My Dad and I both fell asleep 3 different times trying to watch this. I'm not kidding.
Natalie Portman, 'Black Swan'-Haven't seen this either. I once dated a girl who, upon hearing I had injured my back, came over to my house and asked if she could try something to make me feel better. This sounded like the beginning of a Cinemax movie, so I of course said yes. She proceeded to climb on top of me and with some kind of Bible in one hand and her other hand clenched into a fist and raised in the air, she began praying for a higher power to heal me through her. Like REALLY praying. The way evangelists do. This lasted for almost five minutes with me staring up at her with the same look James Caan had in "Misery". We didn't see much of each other after that. Anyways, that girl texted me last month "Black Swan is F****D up!". I figure if someone like her finds the movie that outrageous, I should probably see it. And I will.
Michelle Williams, 'Blue Valentine'-This was a movie?
Who Will Win: Natalie Portman. I also think they should give her Sandra Bullock's Oscar from last year because there is no way someone should be able to make "All About Steve" and win an Oscar in the same year.
Who I Want to Win: Natalie Portman, if only for reminding me of that story about the crazy chick.
Best Actor:
Javier Bardem, 'Biutiful'-The above girl's phone number to the first person to have honestly seen this film. Worth it for anyone with back problems.
Jeff Bridges, 'True Grit'- I thought he was great, but he already got his honorary Oscar last year.
Jesse Eisenberg, 'The Social Network'-My favorite movie of the year (huge Sorkin fan), but I'm not certain Eisenberg should have even been nominated.
Colin Firth, 'The King's Speech'-I texted a bunch of people during this film that Firth was a shoo-in for the Oscar. And that we were the only people there under the age of 90.
James Franco, '127 Hours'-Franco plays a guy who loses his arm in a freak hiking accident and is then traded to the Mariners for 5 prospects.
Who Will Win: Firth.
Who I Want to Win: Firth.
Best Director:
Darren Aronofsky, 'Black Swan'-I hadn't been able to walk all day, and after that girl left , it took 20 minutes of excruciating pain to get downstairs and lock all my doors. I have got to see this film.
David O. Russell, 'The Fighter'-The "O" does not stand for "Oscar".
Tom Hooper, 'The King's Speech'-Solid choice.
David Fincher, 'The Social Network'-The guy who made Fight Club and Se7en was able to pull off an Aaron Sorkin script brilliantly. The odds-on favorite.
Coen Brothers, 'True Grit'- Another solid choice. But they already cleaned up with No Country for Old Men.
Who Will Win: David Fincher.
Who I Want to Win: Fincher.
Best Picture:
Black Swan-I will say that I never came home to a rabbit boiling on my stove, so I guess things could have been worse with that girl.
The Fighter- Great reviews but not taking home the big prize.
Inception- I always think about how much my friends loved this movie and how much my Dad hated it. A movie like this definitely has an age limit. The Oscar voters are more towards my Dad's age.
The Kids are Alright- And this was in the theaters? Like it had an actual release and everything? This wasn't a foreign film? Wow.
The King's Speech- Again, I may have been a little tipsy, and I know the flick was good, but doesn't it seem like any British film about royalty is guaranteed 4 or 5 nominations every time?
127 Hours- A heartwarming tale, but I still think the Mariners gave up too much.
The Social Network- Can't say enough good things about the movie. Although I am also the same guy who has every episode of "Sports Night" on VHS and the first 4 seasons of "The West Wing" on DVD. And I list "Charlie Wilson's War", "An American President", and "Malice" among my favorite movies. I have a bit of a Sorkin bias.
Toy Story 3- Another one of my favorite films this year. I would have no problem if it somehow took home the top prize.
True Grit- Dark Horse.
Winter's Bone- You have got to be kidding me.
Who Will Win: Probably The King's Speech. Although they might give the Oscar to Winter's Bone since there is apparently a giant practical joke happening to convince whoever made that film that they did a good job.
Who I Want to Win: The Social Network. Like you couldn't have guessed.
A quick note before ending this. With the baseball season not starting for a bit and since the NBA doesn't exist in Unsportsman's eyes, we are open to suggestions about what you want to hear about. Let us know what you want to read and we'll try to make it happen for you. Until then, happy Oscar gambling!
However, this all changes today. Being as big of a movie fan that I am, and with the Academy Awards being tomorrow, it is time to start a new tradition. Coming off of a stellar NFL season where I nailed somewhere between 60-70% of my picks (not counting my dismal performance in the playoffs. Ooofta), and with many gambling sites laying odds on Oscar winners, it's time to start an Academy Awards column. I would give some kind of "please gamble responsibly", but if you're gambling on the Oscars, what's the point? Also, we're sticking with the major categories here. Although I do want to say that Trent Reznor winning an Oscar would absolutely make my day. Especially if the orchestra plays him off with "Closer".
Best Supporting Actor:
Christian Bale, 'The Fighter'- The odds on favorite. Finally getting his due for "Batman Begins" and "The Dark Knight".
John Hawkes, 'Winter's Bone'- I have nothing against John Hawkes, but Winter's Bone was far and away the most boring movie I've ever seen. The fact anyone got nominated for anything other than "Best sleep inducer" is mind boggling.
Jeremy Renner, The Town'-Love him, not going to win.
Mark Ruffalo, 'The Kids are Alright'-Never saw it. No idea.
Geoffery Rush, 'The King's Speech'- He was excellent, although I was a bit tipsy. I might be the first person to ever go drinking with his friends and then convince them to go see a British film about a 1920's king.
Who will win: Christian Bale. He's already prepared his acceptance speech.
Who I want to win: Geoffery Rush. Did a great job, and I'm pretty sure we'll never see him lighting up a crew member like old Bale up there.
Best Supporting Actress:
Amy Adams, 'The Fighter'-I love me some Amy Adams, and she's already been nominated twice before, a definite dark horse.
Helena Bonham Carter, 'The King's Speech'- A personal favorite since she was in "Fight Club" AND "Novocain". Plus she's married to Tim Burton, so she seems cool on all levels.
Melissa Leo, 'The Fighter'-Never heard of her before this week. Had to go to her IMDB page and I'm still not sure if I've ever seen her in anything.
Hailee Steinfeld, 'True Grit'-Cute kid, definitely has a future, but I don't think she's taking home the hardware.
Jacki Weaver, 'Animal Kingdom'-Ditto what I said about Melissa Leo.
Who Will Win: Apparently Melissa Leo, although I'm hoping someone will point her out during the ceremony.
Who I want to Win-Carter or Adams. For two entirely different reasons.
Best Actress:
Annette Bening, 'The Kids are Alright'-She was in this too? Huh.
Nicole Kidman, 'The Rabbit Hole'-Because Nicole Kidman could remake Soul Plane and get a nomination. Am I the only one that thinks she sucks as an actress?
Jennifer Lawrence, 'Winter's Bone'-My Dad and I both fell asleep 3 different times trying to watch this. I'm not kidding.
Natalie Portman, 'Black Swan'-Haven't seen this either. I once dated a girl who, upon hearing I had injured my back, came over to my house and asked if she could try something to make me feel better. This sounded like the beginning of a Cinemax movie, so I of course said yes. She proceeded to climb on top of me and with some kind of Bible in one hand and her other hand clenched into a fist and raised in the air, she began praying for a higher power to heal me through her. Like REALLY praying. The way evangelists do. This lasted for almost five minutes with me staring up at her with the same look James Caan had in "Misery". We didn't see much of each other after that. Anyways, that girl texted me last month "Black Swan is F****D up!". I figure if someone like her finds the movie that outrageous, I should probably see it. And I will.
Michelle Williams, 'Blue Valentine'-This was a movie?
Who Will Win: Natalie Portman. I also think they should give her Sandra Bullock's Oscar from last year because there is no way someone should be able to make "All About Steve" and win an Oscar in the same year.
Who I Want to Win: Natalie Portman, if only for reminding me of that story about the crazy chick.
Best Actor:
Javier Bardem, 'Biutiful'-The above girl's phone number to the first person to have honestly seen this film. Worth it for anyone with back problems.
Jeff Bridges, 'True Grit'- I thought he was great, but he already got his honorary Oscar last year.
Jesse Eisenberg, 'The Social Network'-My favorite movie of the year (huge Sorkin fan), but I'm not certain Eisenberg should have even been nominated.
Colin Firth, 'The King's Speech'-I texted a bunch of people during this film that Firth was a shoo-in for the Oscar. And that we were the only people there under the age of 90.
James Franco, '127 Hours'-Franco plays a guy who loses his arm in a freak hiking accident and is then traded to the Mariners for 5 prospects.
Who Will Win: Firth.
Who I Want to Win: Firth.
Best Director:
Darren Aronofsky, 'Black Swan'-I hadn't been able to walk all day, and after that girl left , it took 20 minutes of excruciating pain to get downstairs and lock all my doors. I have got to see this film.
David O. Russell, 'The Fighter'-The "O" does not stand for "Oscar".
Tom Hooper, 'The King's Speech'-Solid choice.
David Fincher, 'The Social Network'-The guy who made Fight Club and Se7en was able to pull off an Aaron Sorkin script brilliantly. The odds-on favorite.
Coen Brothers, 'True Grit'- Another solid choice. But they already cleaned up with No Country for Old Men.
Who Will Win: David Fincher.
Who I Want to Win: Fincher.
Best Picture:
Black Swan-I will say that I never came home to a rabbit boiling on my stove, so I guess things could have been worse with that girl.
The Fighter- Great reviews but not taking home the big prize.
Inception- I always think about how much my friends loved this movie and how much my Dad hated it. A movie like this definitely has an age limit. The Oscar voters are more towards my Dad's age.
The Kids are Alright- And this was in the theaters? Like it had an actual release and everything? This wasn't a foreign film? Wow.
The King's Speech- Again, I may have been a little tipsy, and I know the flick was good, but doesn't it seem like any British film about royalty is guaranteed 4 or 5 nominations every time?
127 Hours- A heartwarming tale, but I still think the Mariners gave up too much.
The Social Network- Can't say enough good things about the movie. Although I am also the same guy who has every episode of "Sports Night" on VHS and the first 4 seasons of "The West Wing" on DVD. And I list "Charlie Wilson's War", "An American President", and "Malice" among my favorite movies. I have a bit of a Sorkin bias.
Toy Story 3- Another one of my favorite films this year. I would have no problem if it somehow took home the top prize.
True Grit- Dark Horse.
Winter's Bone- You have got to be kidding me.
Who Will Win: Probably The King's Speech. Although they might give the Oscar to Winter's Bone since there is apparently a giant practical joke happening to convince whoever made that film that they did a good job.
Who I Want to Win: The Social Network. Like you couldn't have guessed.
A quick note before ending this. With the baseball season not starting for a bit and since the NBA doesn't exist in Unsportsman's eyes, we are open to suggestions about what you want to hear about. Let us know what you want to read and we'll try to make it happen for you. Until then, happy Oscar gambling!
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