Winless In Seattle
Steve Sauro
Elliott SmithWeek 5
October 9th 2011 17:06
:
RIP Al Davis
Being a Seahawk fan, I was quite familiar with the AFC West growing up. And being familiar with the AFC West meant growing to hate the Oakland Raiders. I hated the costumed douche-nozzles in the "Black Hole". Anytime you wear a costume to a sporting event you're either 12, the mascot, or an idiot. Once I moved to Southern California, I hated that all the games were televised and on the radio. The team moved! They left the city and the city still supported them! You better believe if any station in Seattle tried supporting Oklahoma City, they'd be run out of town.
Still, I always kind of liked Al Davis. Maybe it was my affinity towards liking old people, maybe it was his no nonsense approach, but I never equated hating the Raiders to hating the owner (now the Dallas Cowboys, that's a different story). My absolute favorite Al Davis moment, and really one of my favorite moments for any franchise owner, was his evisceration of Lane Kiffin on live television. Kiffin was the coach of the Raiders and, in his usual Kiffin way, was sucking his way through 1 and a half subpar seasons. He was also blaming everyone around him for the team's performance, doing everything he could to take zero responsibility for the how bad the Raiders had become. He said he didn't ok the drafting of JaMarcus Russell, he didn't get to choose the coaches he wanted; basically he threw everyone under the bus that he could. The week after Kiffin called for a 73-yard field goal (!) to end the half, Davis fired him. But instead of the usual way, releasing a statement and thanking the coach for his service, Davis went on national television and recounted all of the mistakes Kiffin had made in his tenure. All of them. He listed all of the ways Kiffin was a liar. He brought up game footage and pointed our horrific play calls. He made Kiffin look utterly useless as a head football coach. I watched it live as it was happening, and what I found intriguing was the way Al Davis handled everything. At no point did he come off bitter with a vendetta, simply disappointed in his decision to hire a moron into his business. He wasn't hooting and hollering and ranting about (like Jerry Jones would have been), he was presenting an evaluation of a departing employee and giving the nation a glimpse behind the curtain.
Lane Kiffin was horrible at his job, and here was ample evidence to prove it. Kiffin would get hired on to coach the University of Tennessee where he made a bunch of unfulfilled promises ("We're gonna beat Florida!"), violated a few NCAA rules, and then bolted for USC after one year. Davis would finish his press conference, head back to his suite in the football stadium, and continue running his football team the way that he saw best. Al Davis was one of a kind. Just win baby.
Onto the picks!
Philly @ Buffalo
Of course I am rooting for Buffalo here. Who wouldn't be? The highly publicized "Dream Team" limping into a must win game against the upstarts that everyone wrote off before the season even began. The problem is that the Eagles really do have some talent in their team, and this is a must win for them. If the Eagles lose, they're done. And while that would be a TON of fun to watch happen, it probably won't. Probably...
Eagles 24-23
Kansas City @ Indy
Two very bad teams, but we won't know how bad they really are since they haven't played the Seahawks yet. It is still a game time decision about whether the Colts tab Curtis Painter or Kerry Collins as the starter, which is like waiting till departure time to see who gets to fly the Hindenburg. The Chiefs are coming off a win (!), so, yeah. Will the momentum of a victory over the Corpse of McNabb carry over into Indy? Nope.
Colts 19-17
Arizona @ Minnesota
I honestly don't know if I would trade Tarvaris straight up for either of these QB's. Well, McNabb, for sure not. McNabb brings the skills one would expect from a 70 year old trying to play professional sports, but he does it with a dullness usually associated with made-for-tv movies or knitting. Or a made-for-tv movie about knitting (somewhere a Lifetime executive's ears perked up). Kolb, on the other hand, I am being told has potential. He's just never shown it or really even hinted towards having. The Vikings have to win at some point, don't they?
Vikings 28-24
Tennesse @ Pittsburgh
In the subsequent matchups since the Seattle-Pitt Super Bowl, my beloved Seahawks have not only lost every game to the Stealers, they haven't even scored a point. Since watching a Super Bowl stolen (STOLEN) from our fan base, the Seahawks were so outraged that they refused to even score another point against Pittsburgh. So, Matt Hasselbeck against Pittsburgh might be the best chance we Seahawk fans have at revenge. Upset special!
Titans 31-28
New Orleans @ Carolina
Carolina had a team record in yards last week and still lost to Chicago. In the NFL, it's about execution and the Panthers lack in their ability to execute (also, being 31st in run defense doesn't help either). It won't get any easier against a top offense that CAN execute.
Saints 35-21
Cincinatti @ Jacksonville
(Yawning)
(Still Yawning)
(Looks at clock)
(Stares at computer screen)
(Starts to write about two rookie QBs, Googles to make sure they really are rookies, deletes everything)
(Stares at screen)
(Yawing)
Bengals 21-18
Oakland @ Houston
I mean, the Raiders have to win this one, right?
Raiders 24-20
Seahawks @ Giants
Alright, I admit it, Tarvaris has looked good on occasion. Listen, I'm rooting for him. I really am. I'm a Seahawk fan, I want to see us win. However, as encouraging as he was during the second half against Atlanta, he's going into New York against a team that has outscored us 85-13 the last two games. Oh, and the Seahawks have lost 11 of 12 in the Eastern Time Zone. Oh, and Tarvaris is still Tarvaris. Let's see, 85-13, divide by two...
Giants 42.5-6.5
Tampa Bay @ San Fran
The Niners are starting to irritate me. It's the NFC West! Take a week off, relax, stop trying so hard. Nothing bugs me more than the overachieving student. Six or seven wins will take the division, so stop acting like you need more than that. Spread them out, save yourself for the playoffs.
Bucs 21-17
San Diego @ Denver
Announcer 1: And the fans are starting to chant something here..
Announcer 2: It's "Tebow". They're chanting "Tebow". Everyone knows that.
Announcer 1: I can't quite make it out...
Announcer 2: It's "Tebow". They've been chanting it since kickoff. I mean, my God, that's all they ever chant.
Announcer 1: It sounds like maybe...well, I'm not sure. For sure ending in a "Bow" sound.
Announcer 2: Tebow. John, listen to me they're chanting "Tebow". That's all they ever chant. They could be down 40 or up 10, they are going to chant Tebow. Every football mind in the Denver organization has said, on numerous occasions, that the kid isn't ready yet. Still, they chant. That's all they do. They know no other way.
Announcer 1: I think they are saying "Tebow". They are! They are chanting that water boy's name!
Announcer 2: He's a quarterback. He's just in charge of the water bottles.
Chargers 31-21
Jets @ New England
The Patriots aren't losing this game, so the bigger question is, are the Jets going to be able to make the playoffs? Their schedule is fairly easy, but I think they cap out at 7 wins down the stretch. Does a 9 win team make the playoffs in the AFC? Something to watch. Also, I don't know if I would trade Tarvaris for Sanchez. Just saying.
Patriots 35-27
Green Bay @ Atlanta
The Falcons just about coughed that game up to the Seahawks. I can't take you seriously as a contender if you are up 27-7 in the 3rd quarter and end up winning because the other team can't nail a 50 yard field goal. Meanwhile, the Packers are awesome. Also, thanks to Brett Favre for going on some radio show and coming off like some jealous ex girlfriend. Dude, I have defended you for years. Stop making it so tough on me. Rodgers will respond his usual way by not saying anything and then throwing four TDs.
Packers 42-24
Chicago @ Detroit
Mr. Cutler, this is Mr. Suh. Mr. Suh, this is Mr. Cutler. You two are going to spend some time together.
Lions 27-21 (after being down 21-0 at halftime)
Last week: 13-3
Season: 45-19
Still, I always kind of liked Al Davis. Maybe it was my affinity towards liking old people, maybe it was his no nonsense approach, but I never equated hating the Raiders to hating the owner (now the Dallas Cowboys, that's a different story). My absolute favorite Al Davis moment, and really one of my favorite moments for any franchise owner, was his evisceration of Lane Kiffin on live television. Kiffin was the coach of the Raiders and, in his usual Kiffin way, was sucking his way through 1 and a half subpar seasons. He was also blaming everyone around him for the team's performance, doing everything he could to take zero responsibility for the how bad the Raiders had become. He said he didn't ok the drafting of JaMarcus Russell, he didn't get to choose the coaches he wanted; basically he threw everyone under the bus that he could. The week after Kiffin called for a 73-yard field goal (!) to end the half, Davis fired him. But instead of the usual way, releasing a statement and thanking the coach for his service, Davis went on national television and recounted all of the mistakes Kiffin had made in his tenure. All of them. He listed all of the ways Kiffin was a liar. He brought up game footage and pointed our horrific play calls. He made Kiffin look utterly useless as a head football coach. I watched it live as it was happening, and what I found intriguing was the way Al Davis handled everything. At no point did he come off bitter with a vendetta, simply disappointed in his decision to hire a moron into his business. He wasn't hooting and hollering and ranting about (like Jerry Jones would have been), he was presenting an evaluation of a departing employee and giving the nation a glimpse behind the curtain.
Lane Kiffin was horrible at his job, and here was ample evidence to prove it. Kiffin would get hired on to coach the University of Tennessee where he made a bunch of unfulfilled promises ("We're gonna beat Florida!"), violated a few NCAA rules, and then bolted for USC after one year. Davis would finish his press conference, head back to his suite in the football stadium, and continue running his football team the way that he saw best. Al Davis was one of a kind. Just win baby.
Onto the picks!
Philly @ Buffalo
Of course I am rooting for Buffalo here. Who wouldn't be? The highly publicized "Dream Team" limping into a must win game against the upstarts that everyone wrote off before the season even began. The problem is that the Eagles really do have some talent in their team, and this is a must win for them. If the Eagles lose, they're done. And while that would be a TON of fun to watch happen, it probably won't. Probably...
Eagles 24-23
Kansas City @ Indy
Two very bad teams, but we won't know how bad they really are since they haven't played the Seahawks yet. It is still a game time decision about whether the Colts tab Curtis Painter or Kerry Collins as the starter, which is like waiting till departure time to see who gets to fly the Hindenburg. The Chiefs are coming off a win (!), so, yeah. Will the momentum of a victory over the Corpse of McNabb carry over into Indy? Nope.
Colts 19-17
Arizona @ Minnesota
I honestly don't know if I would trade Tarvaris straight up for either of these QB's. Well, McNabb, for sure not. McNabb brings the skills one would expect from a 70 year old trying to play professional sports, but he does it with a dullness usually associated with made-for-tv movies or knitting. Or a made-for-tv movie about knitting (somewhere a Lifetime executive's ears perked up). Kolb, on the other hand, I am being told has potential. He's just never shown it or really even hinted towards having. The Vikings have to win at some point, don't they?
Vikings 28-24
Tennesse @ Pittsburgh
In the subsequent matchups since the Seattle-Pitt Super Bowl, my beloved Seahawks have not only lost every game to the Stealers, they haven't even scored a point. Since watching a Super Bowl stolen (STOLEN) from our fan base, the Seahawks were so outraged that they refused to even score another point against Pittsburgh. So, Matt Hasselbeck against Pittsburgh might be the best chance we Seahawk fans have at revenge. Upset special!
Titans 31-28
New Orleans @ Carolina
Carolina had a team record in yards last week and still lost to Chicago. In the NFL, it's about execution and the Panthers lack in their ability to execute (also, being 31st in run defense doesn't help either). It won't get any easier against a top offense that CAN execute.
Saints 35-21
Cincinatti @ Jacksonville
(Yawning)
(Still Yawning)
(Looks at clock)
(Stares at computer screen)
(Starts to write about two rookie QBs, Googles to make sure they really are rookies, deletes everything)
(Stares at screen)
(Yawing)
Bengals 21-18
Oakland @ Houston
I mean, the Raiders have to win this one, right?
Raiders 24-20
Seahawks @ Giants
Alright, I admit it, Tarvaris has looked good on occasion. Listen, I'm rooting for him. I really am. I'm a Seahawk fan, I want to see us win. However, as encouraging as he was during the second half against Atlanta, he's going into New York against a team that has outscored us 85-13 the last two games. Oh, and the Seahawks have lost 11 of 12 in the Eastern Time Zone. Oh, and Tarvaris is still Tarvaris. Let's see, 85-13, divide by two...
Giants 42.5-6.5
Tampa Bay @ San Fran
The Niners are starting to irritate me. It's the NFC West! Take a week off, relax, stop trying so hard. Nothing bugs me more than the overachieving student. Six or seven wins will take the division, so stop acting like you need more than that. Spread them out, save yourself for the playoffs.
Bucs 21-17
San Diego @ Denver
Announcer 1: And the fans are starting to chant something here..
Announcer 2: It's "Tebow". They're chanting "Tebow". Everyone knows that.
Announcer 1: I can't quite make it out...
Announcer 2: It's "Tebow". They've been chanting it since kickoff. I mean, my God, that's all they ever chant.
Announcer 1: It sounds like maybe...well, I'm not sure. For sure ending in a "Bow" sound.
Announcer 2: Tebow. John, listen to me they're chanting "Tebow". That's all they ever chant. They could be down 40 or up 10, they are going to chant Tebow. Every football mind in the Denver organization has said, on numerous occasions, that the kid isn't ready yet. Still, they chant. That's all they do. They know no other way.
Announcer 1: I think they are saying "Tebow". They are! They are chanting that water boy's name!
Announcer 2: He's a quarterback. He's just in charge of the water bottles.
Chargers 31-21
Jets @ New England
The Patriots aren't losing this game, so the bigger question is, are the Jets going to be able to make the playoffs? Their schedule is fairly easy, but I think they cap out at 7 wins down the stretch. Does a 9 win team make the playoffs in the AFC? Something to watch. Also, I don't know if I would trade Tarvaris for Sanchez. Just saying.
Patriots 35-27
Green Bay @ Atlanta
The Falcons just about coughed that game up to the Seahawks. I can't take you seriously as a contender if you are up 27-7 in the 3rd quarter and end up winning because the other team can't nail a 50 yard field goal. Meanwhile, the Packers are awesome. Also, thanks to Brett Favre for going on some radio show and coming off like some jealous ex girlfriend. Dude, I have defended you for years. Stop making it so tough on me. Rodgers will respond his usual way by not saying anything and then throwing four TDs.
Packers 42-24
Chicago @ Detroit
Mr. Cutler, this is Mr. Suh. Mr. Suh, this is Mr. Cutler. You two are going to spend some time together.
Lions 27-21 (after being down 21-0 at halftime)
Last week: 13-3
Season: 45-19
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