Winless In Seattle
Steve Sauro
Elliott SmithVegas and Football!
October 2nd 2010 21:57
I tried really hard not to write a column about Vegas. Bill Simmons has written numerous articles about Vegas and we pride ourselves at Unsportsman to write original things. However, I am sitting in a Vegas hotel room right now and I would be disingenuous to not at least write down a few things about my first night in Vegas before going on to the football picks.
1. I don’t want to speak badly of any establishments, so we’ll try not to use the actual name of the hotel here. Let’s just say the word “Riviera” is prominently involved in the hotel name. When checking in yesterday, the front desk clerk charged me $7.43 a day for a “resort fee”. I mindlessly paid it, assuming I had to, and then she handed me a list of things that I now have access to after paying said fee. Highlights from the list:
Free access to the gym (valued at $10!!)
Free local and 800 calls
Free access to the pool
Free Parking
Free Towel service at the pool
That’s right, for just $21 dollars and change; I can now use towels and call locally all weekend! Had I glanced at the list before I got to my room, I would have asked if TV use and ability to sleep on the bed was also included. There’s a very good chance I will be asking for my resort fee back.
2. After a long day and night of drinking, my cousin and I were hanging at a club chatting up the bartender and ordering water in-between some very strong drinks. Through some clever choice of words, the bartender led us to believe the water was only a buck or so. After the bill came, we were a bit ticked to find a $30 charge for 6 waters. It should be illegal to take advantage of drunken people like that. Luckily, it’s not illegal to put 0 down on the tip line.
3. A personal note to whoever works the front desk at 3 in the morning. When I call you asking where my remote control is, you don’t have to be snooty. I already know I’m an idiot. It’s nothing personal when I sarcastically ask if there is another resort fee I can pay to have a remote control. Also, I found it. Thank you.
4. Words can’t possibly describe the Wynn. It’s far and away the coolest casino I’ve ever been in. The decor amazing, the staff is unbelievably helpful, and the women…there’s beautiful and then there is Wynn beautiful. At one point we were trying to the groom-to-be’s room and wandered onto the 35th floor, which turned out to not be open to the public yet. One of the worker’s was kind enough to show my cousin and me one of the new suites. By far the nicest suite I had been in. He pushed a button and the curtains opened showing us a breathtaking view of Las Vegas. There was a remote control next to the bed that also opened the curtains and controlled the temperature of the room. Let’s put it this way: If you bring a “friend” back to that room and she leaves anytime before the next morning, you’re hopeless. Those rooms are open to the public next weekend and all of you should stay there at least once in your life.
5. The groom-to-be, my cousin Zac, asked me if I was trying to go 0-6 in my football picks last week. Yikes. I think my highlight was picking against the Seahawks and then watching them win. Pretty much sums it up. So let’s try to turn this ship around and start doing weekly picks of all the games.
San Francisco@Atlanta
Anyone else enjoying watching the Niners lose their first 3 games? Aside from an inspired effort against an uninspired Saints team, San Fran looked putrid. Everyone on Earth is picking Atlanta to win this game, which usually means upset alert, but I think everyone is right on this one.
Atlanta 31-16
New York Jets@Buffalo
Sanchez is awful. Sanchez is the best QB ever. Do think there will ever come a day when the media doesn’t describe NY QB’s in such extreme terms? Can’t Sanchez just be an average player who had 1 bad game and 2 good games? I like rooting against Sanchez but even I can’t think of a reason he won’t win Sunday against the Bills. As for Buffalo’s quarterback situation, where does going from Trent Edwards to Ryan Fitzgerald rank among moves that no one cares about? I’m sure replacing one crappy QB with another one will solve everything.
Jets 23-10
Cincinnati@Cleveland
Cleveland has looked not horrible the last couple games. Like, almost looking like an actual football team. What would the Hawks have to do to trade for Peyton Hillis? We gave them a starting QB for a 7th round pick, don’t they owe us one? As for the Bengals, they’re boring. Sorry, they are. I met a lady from Ohio playing slots, and she said her Bengals were going to win the Battle of Ohio this weekend. I asked her who her favorite player was and she said “that Pryor kid”. Anytime a fan of yours mistakenly assumes the starting quarterback for a local college plays on your team, you have failed as a franchise. Just saying.
Bengals 25-12
Detroit@Green Bay
18 penalties? In one game? I watched the Packers game last week and I don’t remember any of the penalties looking fishy. They were all legit and that is embarrassing. As for Detroit, I haven’t actually watched any of their games yet this year. Or if I have, I’ve already forgotten about them. I see a bounce back week for the Packers.
Packers 36-21
Denver@Tennesee
I mentioned in my preview that I accidently grabbed Moreno in my fantasy league. He was out last week and he will now be out this week. Bronco fans can go ahead and blame me for that one.
Titans 24-21
Seattle@St Louis
I enjoyed watching my Seahawks beat the Chargers last week, but boy was our defense terrible. Once Trufant went out, San Diego had an easier time scoring than any random athlete at the Kardashian household. However, Trufant or not, I don’t think the Rams have quite the firepower as the Chargers. And they might be without Steven Jackson. And the Hawks were only favored by 1.5 points, which might be helpful information if maybe one of us were in Vegas right now. I’m just saying…
Seattle 24-21
Carolina@New Orleans
Quite a start to the Jimmy Clausen era, wasn’t it? Now he gets to go on the road against the world champs!! Again, let’s say you or I were in Vegas right now…
Saints 35-10
Baltimore@Pittsburgh
Last chance for the team I like the least to lose a game before they get Big Ben back. If you’re Baltimore and you want to be taken seriously as a contender, you have to win this game. There no reason a guy like Charlie Batch should have less than four turnovers against a defense like the Ravens. I don’t ask for much Baltimore, do me a solid here.
Ravens 15-10
Indianapolis@Jacksonville
There’s no reason Jacksonville should win this game, especially after the whooping Vick served them last week. Hmmm…
Jacksonville 24-21
Houston@Oakland
I’m very, very upset with the Texans for not beating up on the Cowboys and going 3-0. Now I have to endure a bunch of “The Cowboys are back!!!” articles. Although I do kind of blame myself for guaranteeing in the preview that they would be one game above or below .500 this year and then picking them to go 3-0. Whatever, they’ll win this week before they start losing later in the season.
Texans 26-14
Arizona@San Diego
Bounce back game for the Chargers. On a side note, why is Phillip Rivers such a dick? Seriously, what the hell? Every time they cut to him on the sidelines last week he was either looking pissed at everyone around him and yelling at his teammates (1st half) or looking overly cocky like he just banged his best friends sister (2nd half). I can’t imagine a scenario where I would enjoy hanging out with Phillip Rivers and I doubt there are many people out there that feel differently.
Chargers 28-10
Washington@Philadelphia
Did you know Donovan McNabb use to play for the Eagles? Or that this is his first time playing against them ever? I wish they would cover that story line, I’ve heard nothing about it this week.
Eagles 28-23
Chicago@New York Giants
Can the Bears go 4-0? I say yes. I just don’t think the Giants are that good this year.
Bears 21-18
New England@Miami
Imagine how good the Dolphins would be if they had a quarterback. Like one that could throw the ball more than 10 yards to his teammates. Although, against the Patriot defense, any quarterback should be sufficient. Upset pick!
Dolphins 27-24
I’m in Vegas till Sunday night, then Minnesota for a few days. Come back next Thursday for next week’s picks and some more Vegas stories including the groom, the best man and myself finding our way to the roof at Caesars Palace. No, I was not wearing a wolf shirt.
1. I don’t want to speak badly of any establishments, so we’ll try not to use the actual name of the hotel here. Let’s just say the word “Riviera” is prominently involved in the hotel name. When checking in yesterday, the front desk clerk charged me $7.43 a day for a “resort fee”. I mindlessly paid it, assuming I had to, and then she handed me a list of things that I now have access to after paying said fee. Highlights from the list:
Free access to the gym (valued at $10!!)
Free local and 800 calls
Free access to the pool
Free Parking
Free Towel service at the pool
That’s right, for just $21 dollars and change; I can now use towels and call locally all weekend! Had I glanced at the list before I got to my room, I would have asked if TV use and ability to sleep on the bed was also included. There’s a very good chance I will be asking for my resort fee back.
2. After a long day and night of drinking, my cousin and I were hanging at a club chatting up the bartender and ordering water in-between some very strong drinks. Through some clever choice of words, the bartender led us to believe the water was only a buck or so. After the bill came, we were a bit ticked to find a $30 charge for 6 waters. It should be illegal to take advantage of drunken people like that. Luckily, it’s not illegal to put 0 down on the tip line.
3. A personal note to whoever works the front desk at 3 in the morning. When I call you asking where my remote control is, you don’t have to be snooty. I already know I’m an idiot. It’s nothing personal when I sarcastically ask if there is another resort fee I can pay to have a remote control. Also, I found it. Thank you.
4. Words can’t possibly describe the Wynn. It’s far and away the coolest casino I’ve ever been in. The decor amazing, the staff is unbelievably helpful, and the women…there’s beautiful and then there is Wynn beautiful. At one point we were trying to the groom-to-be’s room and wandered onto the 35th floor, which turned out to not be open to the public yet. One of the worker’s was kind enough to show my cousin and me one of the new suites. By far the nicest suite I had been in. He pushed a button and the curtains opened showing us a breathtaking view of Las Vegas. There was a remote control next to the bed that also opened the curtains and controlled the temperature of the room. Let’s put it this way: If you bring a “friend” back to that room and she leaves anytime before the next morning, you’re hopeless. Those rooms are open to the public next weekend and all of you should stay there at least once in your life.
5. The groom-to-be, my cousin Zac, asked me if I was trying to go 0-6 in my football picks last week. Yikes. I think my highlight was picking against the Seahawks and then watching them win. Pretty much sums it up. So let’s try to turn this ship around and start doing weekly picks of all the games.
San Francisco@Atlanta
Anyone else enjoying watching the Niners lose their first 3 games? Aside from an inspired effort against an uninspired Saints team, San Fran looked putrid. Everyone on Earth is picking Atlanta to win this game, which usually means upset alert, but I think everyone is right on this one.
Atlanta 31-16
New York Jets@Buffalo
Sanchez is awful. Sanchez is the best QB ever. Do think there will ever come a day when the media doesn’t describe NY QB’s in such extreme terms? Can’t Sanchez just be an average player who had 1 bad game and 2 good games? I like rooting against Sanchez but even I can’t think of a reason he won’t win Sunday against the Bills. As for Buffalo’s quarterback situation, where does going from Trent Edwards to Ryan Fitzgerald rank among moves that no one cares about? I’m sure replacing one crappy QB with another one will solve everything.
Jets 23-10
Cincinnati@Cleveland
Cleveland has looked not horrible the last couple games. Like, almost looking like an actual football team. What would the Hawks have to do to trade for Peyton Hillis? We gave them a starting QB for a 7th round pick, don’t they owe us one? As for the Bengals, they’re boring. Sorry, they are. I met a lady from Ohio playing slots, and she said her Bengals were going to win the Battle of Ohio this weekend. I asked her who her favorite player was and she said “that Pryor kid”. Anytime a fan of yours mistakenly assumes the starting quarterback for a local college plays on your team, you have failed as a franchise. Just saying.
Bengals 25-12
Detroit@Green Bay
18 penalties? In one game? I watched the Packers game last week and I don’t remember any of the penalties looking fishy. They were all legit and that is embarrassing. As for Detroit, I haven’t actually watched any of their games yet this year. Or if I have, I’ve already forgotten about them. I see a bounce back week for the Packers.
Packers 36-21
Denver@Tennesee
I mentioned in my preview that I accidently grabbed Moreno in my fantasy league. He was out last week and he will now be out this week. Bronco fans can go ahead and blame me for that one.
Titans 24-21
Seattle@St Louis
I enjoyed watching my Seahawks beat the Chargers last week, but boy was our defense terrible. Once Trufant went out, San Diego had an easier time scoring than any random athlete at the Kardashian household. However, Trufant or not, I don’t think the Rams have quite the firepower as the Chargers. And they might be without Steven Jackson. And the Hawks were only favored by 1.5 points, which might be helpful information if maybe one of us were in Vegas right now. I’m just saying…
Seattle 24-21
Carolina@New Orleans
Quite a start to the Jimmy Clausen era, wasn’t it? Now he gets to go on the road against the world champs!! Again, let’s say you or I were in Vegas right now…
Saints 35-10
Baltimore@Pittsburgh
Last chance for the team I like the least to lose a game before they get Big Ben back. If you’re Baltimore and you want to be taken seriously as a contender, you have to win this game. There no reason a guy like Charlie Batch should have less than four turnovers against a defense like the Ravens. I don’t ask for much Baltimore, do me a solid here.
Ravens 15-10
Indianapolis@Jacksonville
There’s no reason Jacksonville should win this game, especially after the whooping Vick served them last week. Hmmm…
Jacksonville 24-21
Houston@Oakland
I’m very, very upset with the Texans for not beating up on the Cowboys and going 3-0. Now I have to endure a bunch of “The Cowboys are back!!!” articles. Although I do kind of blame myself for guaranteeing in the preview that they would be one game above or below .500 this year and then picking them to go 3-0. Whatever, they’ll win this week before they start losing later in the season.
Texans 26-14
Arizona@San Diego
Bounce back game for the Chargers. On a side note, why is Phillip Rivers such a dick? Seriously, what the hell? Every time they cut to him on the sidelines last week he was either looking pissed at everyone around him and yelling at his teammates (1st half) or looking overly cocky like he just banged his best friends sister (2nd half). I can’t imagine a scenario where I would enjoy hanging out with Phillip Rivers and I doubt there are many people out there that feel differently.
Chargers 28-10
Washington@Philadelphia
Did you know Donovan McNabb use to play for the Eagles? Or that this is his first time playing against them ever? I wish they would cover that story line, I’ve heard nothing about it this week.
Eagles 28-23
Chicago@New York Giants
Can the Bears go 4-0? I say yes. I just don’t think the Giants are that good this year.
Bears 21-18
New England@Miami
Imagine how good the Dolphins would be if they had a quarterback. Like one that could throw the ball more than 10 yards to his teammates. Although, against the Patriot defense, any quarterback should be sufficient. Upset pick!
Dolphins 27-24
I’m in Vegas till Sunday night, then Minnesota for a few days. Come back next Thursday for next week’s picks and some more Vegas stories including the groom, the best man and myself finding our way to the roof at Caesars Palace. No, I was not wearing a wolf shirt.
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