Winless In Seattle
Steve Sauro
Elliott SmithTop 10 Reasons Soccer Will Never Catch On In The USA
July 12th 2010 19:53
Here are my Top 10 reasons why soccer will never catch on in the USA. I'm sure there are many more - so comment and let me know what I've missed.
Reason #1 - The "Most Important Match in USA's History"
We hear this said EVERY single game the American soccer team plays in the World Cup. This may be a marketing tool that soccer media is using to drum up viewership - but in my opinion it takes something away from the games. You can only call something (match/game, goal, etc) the "most important" so many times in a row before people start to think otherwise.
Note: I felt it was a natural fit to make this Reason #1 - aka - The. Most. Important.
Reason #2 - The Flop
How many times have we seen a soccer player go down with what seemed to be a life threatening injury, then upon replay of "the incident" we see he wasn't even touched? Or how many times have we seen a soccer player get carted of the field in a stretcher only to hop right up and be ready to play full speed again as soon as the cart reaches the sidelines?
Note: NBA please pay attention to this reason very closely, as you are in danger of treading into this territory.
Reason #3 - Television
Money fuels sports. Television advertising is a huge revenue stream that helps keep sports in the USA popular. Soccer simply isn't set up for viewing on television. Until the "split screen" commercial comes about - soccer won't make for good TV. Not to mention the "home" soccer league - the MLS - is pretty devoid of superstars on the world level as is, so there isn't really a draw - and then most "star powered" leagues are in completely different time-zones, so live TV is simply out.
Note: I'd like to formerly submit my patent for the soccer split-screen commercial right now.
Reason #4 - Announcers
We've all heard a soccer announcer scream "GOOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLLL". It's cool, for sure. But when the soccer media actually tries to use "listening to the announcers" as a reason to watch the game - because they make it more exciting - there is something fundamentally wrong with your game.
Note: I originally wrote this reason in ALL CAPS to add excitement to it, but thought better of it.
Reason #5 - Celebrating a Tie
0-0. 1-1. Parade time!! Really? When did playing against another team in a competitive sport become something where tying was a good thing? When announcers start saying things like "they're playing for the tie," or "all they need to do is tie to advance," guess what? That's lame.
Note: This reason was actually tied with Reason #4 in my rankings, but as stated, ties are lame.
Reason #6 - USA's Best Athletes Play Other Sports
This one is pretty self expanatory, but it is a pretty big reason. People like to watch sports to see athletes make amazing plays, or do amazing feats that they can only dream of. If you took all of the USA's top athletes and had them playing soccer since birth (and not even looking at any other sport), is there any question that the USA would be the most dominant at the sport of soccer?
Note: Steve Nash used to be the best soccer player in Canada. What does that tell you?
Reason #7 - Low Scoring
Using a super secret formula (a little more advanced than: minutes played over the course of a season / points scored) I've come up with the following break down of the major sports:
NBA (2010 Season) - 4 points scored for every 1 minute of game time
NFL (2009 Season) - 1 point scored for every 2 minutes of game time
NHL (2009 Season) - 1 point scored for every 11 minutes of game time
MLB (2009 Season) - 1 point scored for every 16 minutes of game time
Soccer (2010 World Cup) - 1 point scored for every 50 minutes of game time
The biggest knock on America's Pastime is that it's boring. Well, based on those stats - it doesn't even compare to soccer. Huge goal, small ball, low scoring. Sounds fun. Look up how many goals Spain scored en route to winning the World Cup this year. That should not happen.
Note: In the time it's taken me to research and write this reason, the most likely score of a soccer match would still be a tie.
Reason #8 - Too Many Leagues
More like too many initials. FIFA, MLS, UNICEF, UAEFA, CONICEF, La Liga, Premiership, Bundesliga. I may, or may not have made some of those up. Point is it doesn't matter, they could all be real - the casual sports fan (aka - a majority of television viewers in the USA) doesn't know the difference.
Note: IMO, BTW, BRB, LOL, OMG, OMFG, ROTF, ROTFLMAO, LMAO, WTF. FTW.
Reason #9 - Referees
Granted, I only was able to come up with this rule after the 2010 World Cup. But there were some pretty blatant missed calls that would have easily been reversed with even the smallest usage of some form of instant replay. I'm not talking about judgment calls - red card, yellow card (which seem to be very non-consistent as is by the way) - but I'm talking about when a ball (finally) goes into the goal and it isn't counted, or someone is offsides, or uses a hand etc. Those are pretty clear cut and important make or break calls - they shouldn't be missed. And if they are - they should be reviewable.
Note: Neither Jim Joyce nor Bud Selig were asked for permission to include this reason in my list.
Reason #10 - It's Too "European"
Last I checked, the USA left Europe because we didn't like it. Spain wins the World Cup and the entire country shuts down to celebrate. For days. It's the same reason the "man bag" won't catch on over here - because we call it a purse, and women carry purses. Not guys. Not to mention the French are usually pretty good at soccer, and well, the French are... not nice.
Note: If I've offended anyone with this last reason, I don't care. I could be part French, so poo poo.
Reason #1 - The "Most Important Match in USA's History"
We hear this said EVERY single game the American soccer team plays in the World Cup. This may be a marketing tool that soccer media is using to drum up viewership - but in my opinion it takes something away from the games. You can only call something (match/game, goal, etc) the "most important" so many times in a row before people start to think otherwise.
Note: I felt it was a natural fit to make this Reason #1 - aka - The. Most. Important.
Reason #2 - The Flop
How many times have we seen a soccer player go down with what seemed to be a life threatening injury, then upon replay of "the incident" we see he wasn't even touched? Or how many times have we seen a soccer player get carted of the field in a stretcher only to hop right up and be ready to play full speed again as soon as the cart reaches the sidelines?
Note: NBA please pay attention to this reason very closely, as you are in danger of treading into this territory.
Reason #3 - Television
Money fuels sports. Television advertising is a huge revenue stream that helps keep sports in the USA popular. Soccer simply isn't set up for viewing on television. Until the "split screen" commercial comes about - soccer won't make for good TV. Not to mention the "home" soccer league - the MLS - is pretty devoid of superstars on the world level as is, so there isn't really a draw - and then most "star powered" leagues are in completely different time-zones, so live TV is simply out.
Note: I'd like to formerly submit my patent for the soccer split-screen commercial right now.
Reason #4 - Announcers
We've all heard a soccer announcer scream "GOOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLLL". It's cool, for sure. But when the soccer media actually tries to use "listening to the announcers" as a reason to watch the game - because they make it more exciting - there is something fundamentally wrong with your game.
Note: I originally wrote this reason in ALL CAPS to add excitement to it, but thought better of it.
Reason #5 - Celebrating a Tie
0-0. 1-1. Parade time!! Really? When did playing against another team in a competitive sport become something where tying was a good thing? When announcers start saying things like "they're playing for the tie," or "all they need to do is tie to advance," guess what? That's lame.
Note: This reason was actually tied with Reason #4 in my rankings, but as stated, ties are lame.
Reason #6 - USA's Best Athletes Play Other Sports
This one is pretty self expanatory, but it is a pretty big reason. People like to watch sports to see athletes make amazing plays, or do amazing feats that they can only dream of. If you took all of the USA's top athletes and had them playing soccer since birth (and not even looking at any other sport), is there any question that the USA would be the most dominant at the sport of soccer?
Note: Steve Nash used to be the best soccer player in Canada. What does that tell you?
Reason #7 - Low Scoring
Using a super secret formula (a little more advanced than: minutes played over the course of a season / points scored) I've come up with the following break down of the major sports:
NBA (2010 Season) - 4 points scored for every 1 minute of game time
NFL (2009 Season) - 1 point scored for every 2 minutes of game time
NHL (2009 Season) - 1 point scored for every 11 minutes of game time
MLB (2009 Season) - 1 point scored for every 16 minutes of game time
Soccer (2010 World Cup) - 1 point scored for every 50 minutes of game time
The biggest knock on America's Pastime is that it's boring. Well, based on those stats - it doesn't even compare to soccer. Huge goal, small ball, low scoring. Sounds fun. Look up how many goals Spain scored en route to winning the World Cup this year. That should not happen.
Note: In the time it's taken me to research and write this reason, the most likely score of a soccer match would still be a tie.
Reason #8 - Too Many Leagues
More like too many initials. FIFA, MLS, UNICEF, UAEFA, CONICEF, La Liga, Premiership, Bundesliga. I may, or may not have made some of those up. Point is it doesn't matter, they could all be real - the casual sports fan (aka - a majority of television viewers in the USA) doesn't know the difference.
Note: IMO, BTW, BRB, LOL, OMG, OMFG, ROTF, ROTFLMAO, LMAO, WTF. FTW.
Reason #9 - Referees
Granted, I only was able to come up with this rule after the 2010 World Cup. But there were some pretty blatant missed calls that would have easily been reversed with even the smallest usage of some form of instant replay. I'm not talking about judgment calls - red card, yellow card (which seem to be very non-consistent as is by the way) - but I'm talking about when a ball (finally) goes into the goal and it isn't counted, or someone is offsides, or uses a hand etc. Those are pretty clear cut and important make or break calls - they shouldn't be missed. And if they are - they should be reviewable.
Note: Neither Jim Joyce nor Bud Selig were asked for permission to include this reason in my list.
Reason #10 - It's Too "European"
Last I checked, the USA left Europe because we didn't like it. Spain wins the World Cup and the entire country shuts down to celebrate. For days. It's the same reason the "man bag" won't catch on over here - because we call it a purse, and women carry purses. Not guys. Not to mention the French are usually pretty good at soccer, and well, the French are... not nice.
Note: If I've offended anyone with this last reason, I don't care. I could be part French, so poo poo.
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