Players with Wanky Haircuts
August 22nd 2008 06:27
Dale Thomas might be a decent player. I’d dispute this, but there must be something good about him. Why else would various commentators fall over themselves to rate even his most pedestrian grabs as “spectacular”? Do they mean spectacular in the same way as someone praising a dopey child for throwing a ball “close” to its intended target? But I digress.
No, my major beef with Dale Thomas is his impressively dicky haircut. It was bad enough when it was just one of those deliberate messes – the huge bouncing yellow mop that flapped haplessly around while its owner stumbled equally haplessly over the boundary line. So imagine my mixture of delight and horror when it emerged as a black, bouncing mess. With one highly flammable bottle, he passed the point of “slightly toolish” and landed himself firmly in the realm of the “massive wanker”.
Who else belongs in this exclusive category? Lest we think I’m prejudiced against the untidy, I think Matthew Lloyd’s helmet of gel/hair wax is one of the most unflattering examples of coiffure fashion around. It also represents the insufferable aspects of Lloyd’s personality – humourless, lacking in creativity, and hugely self-important (as opposed to Thomas’s, which is undeniably flamboyant, but also uncoordinated and directionless).
Maybe I shouldn’t waste time thinking about these things but, alas, I can’t help myself. Incidentally, if anyone reading this overhears a woman in her mid-twenties discussing the psychology of hair at the football, it’s probably me.
No, my major beef with Dale Thomas is his impressively dicky haircut. It was bad enough when it was just one of those deliberate messes – the huge bouncing yellow mop that flapped haplessly around while its owner stumbled equally haplessly over the boundary line. So imagine my mixture of delight and horror when it emerged as a black, bouncing mess. With one highly flammable bottle, he passed the point of “slightly toolish” and landed himself firmly in the realm of the “massive wanker”.
Who else belongs in this exclusive category? Lest we think I’m prejudiced against the untidy, I think Matthew Lloyd’s helmet of gel/hair wax is one of the most unflattering examples of coiffure fashion around. It also represents the insufferable aspects of Lloyd’s personality – humourless, lacking in creativity, and hugely self-important (as opposed to Thomas’s, which is undeniably flamboyant, but also uncoordinated and directionless).
Maybe I shouldn’t waste time thinking about these things but, alas, I can’t help myself. Incidentally, if anyone reading this overhears a woman in her mid-twenties discussing the psychology of hair at the football, it’s probably me.
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Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
I'll never forget when Tom Alvin was tackled by the hair, and the umpire - right there - called play on!
He must have thought that it was a wig (read personality enhancement) and therefore not too high.
I wonder if you can tell how I wear my hair by my comment.
The differences between Gary Ablett snr and jnr is perfectly described by their haircare, for instance.
Yours,
Edward Beale
Comment by Anonymous
first of all, for an article entitled 'players with wanky haircuts', i expected more than just an attack on two players.
secondly, even as a hawks fan i can see the positives that daisy brings to the pies. he's a top rate tackler and has good delivery, which most players can't boast. he's definitely earned his spot in the team so to judge him by his haircut is flat out foolish. and matty lloyd is a superstar. same said for judging him by his hair.
and eddie, the difference between garry ablett and his son is that one is a superstar who will be remembered forever for his matchwinning performances and unrivalled talent. the other was just a great full forward.
if you cant see beyond a players hair when judging their talent, you've got no place writing about footy
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
I love what you've done with your hair!
It's just so you!
You must have asked for the Matty Lloyd.
If you can't see, maybe you should part your cheeks.
You're a joy.
A great head of hair for the internet.
Comment by jon
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