Winless In Seattle
Steve Sauro
Elliott SmithGo Hawks, week 13 picks
December 4th 2011 03:26
:
Is DeSean Jackson serious?
Due to a power outage down here in Southern California, I was unable to make my Thursday pick. I honestly don't know if I would have taken the Seahawks, but truthfully didn't get much time to think about it. No power meant no pick, so I just waited for the game to come on and enjoyed the ride. Obviously Seattle won, and pretty convincingly, but the big problem for the Eagles was DeSean Jackson. For those that didn't watch the game, Jackson checked out early on. During one play, he seemed to have a chance at a big play but refused to look back for the ball after beating the corner on a deep post (instead, slowing up to a jog and appearing indifferent to what was happening on the field). Numerous times, the cameras found him on the sideline ignoring everyone trying to talk to him and looking aimlessly into the distance. So he wants a contract extension and is pouting because he doesn't have one yet. How does acting like an ass during the game help his cause? Wouldn't busting your ass (like Forte is doing in Chicago) be the better response when things don't go your way? Jackson has two receiving touchdowns on the season. His body language showed that he didn't want to be at the game Thursday, got benched late the Sunday before and was told not to show up to the field the Sunday before that. For a 25 year old kid who has only spent 4 years in the NFL, Jackson is acting like he's entitled to whatever he wants despite not really doing that much in his career (like Paris Hilton or any Kardashian). And now that he is alienating fans after quitting on his team, the question is (again): How does this help him? Why would Philly want to give him a contract now? When another team signs him, won't his actions this season cost him money? The bottom line is that during the season, I have less and less respect for Jackson, and I doubt I'm the only one.
Onto the picks...
Kansas City @ Chicago
Fan 1: Hey! Great news! I got tickets for the game tomorrow. 50 yard line, but my wife is sick. You want to go with me?
Fan 2: You are kidding?! 50-yard line for the Bears? I'm in---wait. Is Cutler still out?
Fan 1: Well, yeah.
Fan 2: So it's still Caleb Hanie at the helm?
Fan 1: Uh, well...yeah...
Fan 2: I don't know bud. Who are they playing?
Fan 1: The Chiefs.
Fan 2: With that Palko kid playing quarterback?! I'm not sure I can make the game...
Fan 1: Wait! There's a chance they might start Kyle Orton instead!
Fan 2: I'm like the tenth person you've asked, aren't I?
Fan 1: No one wants to go.
Bears 22-14
Tennessee @ Buffalo
The Bills continued their slide last week; offsetting 24 points (2 less than their last 3 games combined) by committing 9 penalties. Of course the most famous of the penalties was Steve Johnson celebrating a touchdown by pretending to shoot himself in the leg (making fun of New York darling Plaxico Burress) which ESPN ran ad nauseum for like 3 days straight. My take on it: I don't care. I think Sportscenter would be so much better if, after showing a replay where an athlete does something dumb, they cut to one of their NFL analysts saying "I don't care. Here's the next highlight". Am I wrong? Anyways, the Titans have an outside chance in their division (with Houston losing their top 2 QB's) and the Bills are in free fall mode.
Titans 32-30
Oakland @ Miami
I get that the Dolphins have won 3 of 4, and I was rooting for them hardcore on Thanksgiving to beat the Cowboys, but a 3 point favorite? It's not like the Raiders have been struggling. Oakland has won 3 in a row and Palmer has looked pretty decent since his 1st game back. The Raiders have a lot riding on a win (with Tebow and the Broncos on their heels) and the Dolphins have a lot riding on a loss (with an outside chance at a top 3 pick).
Raiders 26-21
Denver @ Minnesota
As I wrote about a few weeks ago, everyone on Denver has been playing above their usual level to make up for what Tebow lacks as a quarterback. The offensive line has played better, the running backs have played better, and do you realize how good the defense has been? Denver hasn't scored more than 17 points in the last 6 games and has won 5 of them. That's insane. So while Tebow continues to lob 2 hoppers towards his receivers the 8 times a game he's allowed to throw the ball, the defense has been playing out of their mind to give the Broncos a chance in the 4th quarter. More should be made of this. Quick funny side note: Unsportsman founder and fellow writer Winless in Seattle commented on Von Miller's excellent rookie season and his legitimate chance at Rookie of the Year and possibly Defensive player of the Year, which was followed by a Stealer fan immediately taking it personally and touting Polamalu as the best player on defense. This was of course disputed quite well by Winless (scroll down to the comments section). Stealer fans are the best.
Broncos 17-14
Indy @ New England
The Colts are switching Dan Orvlosky in for Curtis Painter, which is like replacing Tara Reid with Kim Kardashian in the new American Pie movie. Both suck, and at this point, no one cares. Besides, wasn't the only point of the season to lose every game? Hasn't Painter done just that? This seems unfair to him.
Patriots 45-10
Cincy @ Pittsburgh
Andy Dalton so far this season: 60.1% comp, 2509 yds, 16 TD and 12 INT.
Cam Newton so far this season: 61% comp, 3093 yds, 12 TD and 14 INT. Now, granted Cam has done more rushing the ball, but his team is 3-8 while the Bengals are 7-4 and competing with the Stealers and Ravens (2 of the top 5 teams in the NFL) for the division lead. Shouldn't Dalton be the front runner for the ROY, or maybe second behind Von Miller? Shouldn't Newton clearly finish third behind both of those guys? Regardless, I don't like the matchup for Cincy, but if Dalton wins this game somehow he has to be the front runner. Has to.
Stealers 23-17
Panthers @ Tampa Bay
Another fact: Newton has not won two games in a row this season. He won last week.
Bucs 31-21
Atlanta @ Houston
Gary Kubiak: Hey, if Kellen Clemens or T.J.Yates don't work out, we just signed Jake Delhomme!
Andre Johnson: I hate you.
Falcons: 29-22
NY Jets @ Washington
I know they just beat the Seahawks, but I can't think of any reason why the Redskins should win this game. So...
Redskins 27-24
Baltimore @ Cleveland
The Browns are scoring 15 points a game. I'm rehashing this from last week, but Cleveland's leading rusher (the unforgettable Chris Ogbonnaya) has 301 yards on the season. Their leading receiver (THE Greg Little) has 495 yards. I have the same reaction to the Browns offense as I do when my Mom tells me who's on Dances with the Stars each season. "Kyle Massey? That's somebody? Huh. Rob Kardashian is a star? I...I didn't know. Little and Ogbonnaya really play in the NFL? Had no idea...".
Ravens 27-10
Green Bay @ NY Giants
I know I said that no team in my lifetime has gone undefeated through the regular season and playoffs, and looking at the Packers' remaining schedule (@NY, OAK, @KC, CHI, DET) this is probably their best bet at a loss, but the NFC east is secretly terrible this year and the Giants are much worse than people think. This is a popular upset pick, which is all the more reason that the Packers will roll.
Packers 42-21
Dallas @ Arizona
Larry Fitzgerald has 3 games with more than 100 yards receiving and 6 touchdowns on the season. For all the joking I do about Andre Johnson's situation, I bet Fitzgerald would love to have T.J. Yates or Jake Delhomme throwing him passes. Another popular upset pick, with the Cardinals winning 3 of 4, but 2 of those wins were against the Rams and the other was against Philly so let's all regroup here. The Cowboys aren't that good, but the Cardinals are terrible...
Cowboys 22-17
St. Louis @ San Francisco
Announcer 1: And the Niners clinch the NFC WEST!
Announcer 2: That hasn't already happened?
49ers: 31-12
Detroit @ New Orleans
Ndamukong Suh during the holidays:
"Would you like to carve the turkey Ndamukong? Ok. You're doing good bud. Ok. Wait. You don't need to hold the turkey above your head...why are you throwing it at the dog? GOOD GOD, YOU JUST FLIPPED THE TABLE! STOP YELLING AT THE YAMS!!!"
"Thank you for the present Mr. Suh. I can't wait to see wha---um, ok you open it. Wait, don't throw it against the wall! JESUS, YOU TACKLED THE TREE!!"
"Happy New Years Ndamukong! Why are you staring at me? Did I do something wrong? OUCH!! OH MY GOD! PLEASE STOP HITTING ME!!! "
Saints 38-22
San Diego @ Jacksonville
Who do you think was more surprised: Jack Del Rio after getting fired or the rest of the Jaguars after finding out Jack Del Rio was their coach? With both Gibbert AND Rivers playing, this should be a fun Monday night game for people who like turnovers.
Chargers 24-21
Last week: 13-3
This Season: 119-56
Onto the picks...
Kansas City @ Chicago
Fan 1: Hey! Great news! I got tickets for the game tomorrow. 50 yard line, but my wife is sick. You want to go with me?
Fan 2: You are kidding?! 50-yard line for the Bears? I'm in---wait. Is Cutler still out?
Fan 1: Well, yeah.
Fan 2: So it's still Caleb Hanie at the helm?
Fan 1: Uh, well...yeah...
Fan 2: I don't know bud. Who are they playing?
Fan 1: The Chiefs.
Fan 2: With that Palko kid playing quarterback?! I'm not sure I can make the game...
Fan 1: Wait! There's a chance they might start Kyle Orton instead!
Fan 2: I'm like the tenth person you've asked, aren't I?
Fan 1: No one wants to go.
Bears 22-14
Tennessee @ Buffalo
The Bills continued their slide last week; offsetting 24 points (2 less than their last 3 games combined) by committing 9 penalties. Of course the most famous of the penalties was Steve Johnson celebrating a touchdown by pretending to shoot himself in the leg (making fun of New York darling Plaxico Burress) which ESPN ran ad nauseum for like 3 days straight. My take on it: I don't care. I think Sportscenter would be so much better if, after showing a replay where an athlete does something dumb, they cut to one of their NFL analysts saying "I don't care. Here's the next highlight". Am I wrong? Anyways, the Titans have an outside chance in their division (with Houston losing their top 2 QB's) and the Bills are in free fall mode.
Titans 32-30
Oakland @ Miami
I get that the Dolphins have won 3 of 4, and I was rooting for them hardcore on Thanksgiving to beat the Cowboys, but a 3 point favorite? It's not like the Raiders have been struggling. Oakland has won 3 in a row and Palmer has looked pretty decent since his 1st game back. The Raiders have a lot riding on a win (with Tebow and the Broncos on their heels) and the Dolphins have a lot riding on a loss (with an outside chance at a top 3 pick).
Raiders 26-21
Denver @ Minnesota
As I wrote about a few weeks ago, everyone on Denver has been playing above their usual level to make up for what Tebow lacks as a quarterback. The offensive line has played better, the running backs have played better, and do you realize how good the defense has been? Denver hasn't scored more than 17 points in the last 6 games and has won 5 of them. That's insane. So while Tebow continues to lob 2 hoppers towards his receivers the 8 times a game he's allowed to throw the ball, the defense has been playing out of their mind to give the Broncos a chance in the 4th quarter. More should be made of this. Quick funny side note: Unsportsman founder and fellow writer Winless in Seattle commented on Von Miller's excellent rookie season and his legitimate chance at Rookie of the Year and possibly Defensive player of the Year, which was followed by a Stealer fan immediately taking it personally and touting Polamalu as the best player on defense. This was of course disputed quite well by Winless (scroll down to the comments section). Stealer fans are the best.
Broncos 17-14
Indy @ New England
The Colts are switching Dan Orvlosky in for Curtis Painter, which is like replacing Tara Reid with Kim Kardashian in the new American Pie movie. Both suck, and at this point, no one cares. Besides, wasn't the only point of the season to lose every game? Hasn't Painter done just that? This seems unfair to him.
Patriots 45-10
Cincy @ Pittsburgh
Andy Dalton so far this season: 60.1% comp, 2509 yds, 16 TD and 12 INT.
Cam Newton so far this season: 61% comp, 3093 yds, 12 TD and 14 INT. Now, granted Cam has done more rushing the ball, but his team is 3-8 while the Bengals are 7-4 and competing with the Stealers and Ravens (2 of the top 5 teams in the NFL) for the division lead. Shouldn't Dalton be the front runner for the ROY, or maybe second behind Von Miller? Shouldn't Newton clearly finish third behind both of those guys? Regardless, I don't like the matchup for Cincy, but if Dalton wins this game somehow he has to be the front runner. Has to.
Stealers 23-17
Panthers @ Tampa Bay
Another fact: Newton has not won two games in a row this season. He won last week.
Bucs 31-21
Atlanta @ Houston
Gary Kubiak: Hey, if Kellen Clemens or T.J.Yates don't work out, we just signed Jake Delhomme!
Andre Johnson: I hate you.
Falcons: 29-22
NY Jets @ Washington
I know they just beat the Seahawks, but I can't think of any reason why the Redskins should win this game. So...
Redskins 27-24
Baltimore @ Cleveland
The Browns are scoring 15 points a game. I'm rehashing this from last week, but Cleveland's leading rusher (the unforgettable Chris Ogbonnaya) has 301 yards on the season. Their leading receiver (THE Greg Little) has 495 yards. I have the same reaction to the Browns offense as I do when my Mom tells me who's on Dances with the Stars each season. "Kyle Massey? That's somebody? Huh. Rob Kardashian is a star? I...I didn't know. Little and Ogbonnaya really play in the NFL? Had no idea...".
Ravens 27-10
Green Bay @ NY Giants
I know I said that no team in my lifetime has gone undefeated through the regular season and playoffs, and looking at the Packers' remaining schedule (@NY, OAK, @KC, CHI, DET) this is probably their best bet at a loss, but the NFC east is secretly terrible this year and the Giants are much worse than people think. This is a popular upset pick, which is all the more reason that the Packers will roll.
Packers 42-21
Dallas @ Arizona
Larry Fitzgerald has 3 games with more than 100 yards receiving and 6 touchdowns on the season. For all the joking I do about Andre Johnson's situation, I bet Fitzgerald would love to have T.J. Yates or Jake Delhomme throwing him passes. Another popular upset pick, with the Cardinals winning 3 of 4, but 2 of those wins were against the Rams and the other was against Philly so let's all regroup here. The Cowboys aren't that good, but the Cardinals are terrible...
Cowboys 22-17
St. Louis @ San Francisco
Announcer 1: And the Niners clinch the NFC WEST!
Announcer 2: That hasn't already happened?
49ers: 31-12
Detroit @ New Orleans
Ndamukong Suh during the holidays:
"Would you like to carve the turkey Ndamukong? Ok. You're doing good bud. Ok. Wait. You don't need to hold the turkey above your head...why are you throwing it at the dog? GOOD GOD, YOU JUST FLIPPED THE TABLE! STOP YELLING AT THE YAMS!!!"
"Thank you for the present Mr. Suh. I can't wait to see wha---um, ok you open it. Wait, don't throw it against the wall! JESUS, YOU TACKLED THE TREE!!"
"Happy New Years Ndamukong! Why are you staring at me? Did I do something wrong? OUCH!! OH MY GOD! PLEASE STOP HITTING ME!!! "
Saints 38-22
San Diego @ Jacksonville
Who do you think was more surprised: Jack Del Rio after getting fired or the rest of the Jaguars after finding out Jack Del Rio was their coach? With both Gibbert AND Rivers playing, this should be a fun Monday night game for people who like turnovers.
Chargers 24-21
Last week: 13-3
This Season: 119-56
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Comment by Winless In Seattle
UnSportsman
Better yet - what if the Browns team that played the Hawks shows up?
Ratings!!
Comment by Joe Soriano
Pro Sports Wrap
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