Winless In Seattle
Steve Sauro
Elliott SmithFootball Preview! Part 2!
September 9th 2010 05:56
Hey! Jose Lopez had two singles last night!! Even scored a run! Quick Lopez stat for you. He swings at 36.2% of all pitches outside the strike zone (highest of his career) and makes contact a whopping 80.7% of the time (also highest of his career). He is now batting .240/.269/.328 on the season, his worse line since he batter .232/.263/.367 his rookie year. Somehow swinging at more pitches outside the strike zone equals less hits. Amazing. Time for the rest of the AFC:
AFC NORTH
Baltimore Ravens: (12-4)
Why they will win: What do you do with a QB coming into his own? Grab 2 great receivers to help him into his prime. That’s what Baltimore did with Flacco by signing Anquan Boldin to play alongside Derrick Mason. Anytime you can grab a player who only missed 2 games after BREAKING HIS FACE, you have to do it. Especially when he notched 1000 yards that season and the next. Place those guys with Ray Rice, a guy ready to become a top 5 RB, and you have a seriously good offense. Combine that with a great run defense that adds Terrance Cody and Sergio Kindle and you have a Super Bowl contender. Imagine if they were to add an extra WR with 391 catches the last 4 years? Someone with between 900-1150 yards every year since ’04? No way would that happen unless Pete Carroll was involved somehow…
Why they might lose: First 6 games look tough (@NYJ, @CIN, CLE, @PIT, DEN, @NE) that ends up not being so bad when you realize that the Jets top CB just started practicing this week and Pittsburgh will probably still have Dixon playing QB. Plus the rest of the division isn’t top-notch right now. Cincy has dueling reality stars, Pittsburgh is without Big “Rap sheet” Ben Roethlisberger till week 5 and Cleveland is Cleveland. Baltimore should be golden.
Fun Fact: Did you know TJ Houshmandzadeh was Seattle’s number 1 receiver last year? Did you know Seattle’s new coach wanted his buddy Mike Williams to be the star receiver so now Baltimore gets TJ for a little over 800k? Or that Mike Williams hasn’t even been in the league since 2007, the year he showed up at camp weighing 270 lbs? I defy anyone to convince me this ends well for Seattle.
Cincinnati Bengals: (9-7)
Why they could win: TO and Ochocinco could both be weapons for Carson Palmer. Cedric Benson could be as good as he was last year. Truthfully, if that offense plays up to their ability and the defense plays above-average, the Bengals should be able to sneak into the playoffs. However…
Why they could lose: …I don't see it happening. I think Palmer is an excellent QB and leader, but I don’t see him controlling TO and Ocho. No way those two coexist. Have there ever been 2 less likable teammates? Does anyone even watch either of their TV shows, read either of their tweets, care what either of them EVER has to say? I just don’t believe they’re relevant anymore. I have run into exactly 0 people the last 3 years who wanted to talk about TO or Ocho. I’ve discussed the WNBA with my friends more times than I have discussed those two. I wish they would just go away and leave my ESPN alone. Also, my good friend Brian (a Bears fan) swears to me that Cedric Benson came from the lower levels of hell. I see bad things in the future for the Bengals.
Fun Fact: Just Googled it: TO has 505,000 followers on Twitter, Ocho has over 1.2 million. What is wrong with people?
Pittsburgh Steelers: (8-8)
Why they will win: Maybe the NFL will fix a few games for them like they fixed that one Super Bowl…
Why they will lose: Big Ben garnered a 4 game suspension after his audition for “Dateline: To Catch a Predator”. Leftwich is injured for the first 3 games at least. That leaves Donald Dixon and Charlie Batch behind an offensive line that let up 50 sacks last season. On a personal note, I will absolutely be watching Pittsburgh’s first 4 games. You’re all welcome to watch the games with me. We can do shots every time Dixon gets hit by four guys at once and the camera cuts to a sullen Ben Roethlisberger on the sidelines.
Fun Fact: I do not like the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Cleveland Browns: (3-13)
How they can win: I love me some Mike Holmgren, but unless you can clone Joshua Cribbs a dozen times, this team is not winning.
Why they will lose: I’m not sure I need to pile it on poor Cleveland. I always liked Seneca Wallace and Jake Delhomme but, uh, you’re not winning in 2010 with those two. Should be fun watching Jake Locker learn other Mike Holmgren the next couple years though!
Fun Fact: Eric Mangini is still the head coach in Cleveland! I just found my candidate for “First NFL coach to be fired”! I may have to call Vegas and see if I can box him and Lovie Smith together in a bet.
AFC EAST
New England Patriots: (10-6)
Why they will win: Tom Brady and Wes Welker bounce back from their knee injuries (Brady 2 years ago, Welker last year), Moss gets past whatever is bothering him (full disclosure: I didn’t read the article, all I saw was a headline saying something like “Moss Unhappy” or “Randy is upset at team”. I can’t tell you how little I care about emotional turmoil today’s athletes go through. Read up on what Elgin Baylor and Bill Russell had to experience during their playing days and then see if you have any interest in listening to Moss complain). A running back by committee works behind an awesome passing attack and a draft spent focusing on defense shores up what holes there were. If everything falls into place, this could be one great team.
Why they could lose: Brady and Welker don’t bounce back from their injuries, Moss can’t get past whatever is bothering him (seriously, what could it be? He has millions in the bank, he has a QB who loves throwing him the long ball…I’m almost slightly curious now. Was Moss upset at the signing of Torry Holt? Seems like he would benefit from an extra receiver taking pressure off of him. Maybe he’s bummed that he has one of the top coaches in football? Doesn’t seem like that would make sense. I may have to go look…), all the running backs end up sucking. I don’t foresee any of this happening, but you never know.
Fun Fact: It was his contract! He’s in the final year of his contract and is frustrated that they haven’t signed him to an extension yet. He’s 33, by the way.
Miami Dolphins: (8-8)
Why they will win: Getting Brandon Marshall was the big deal of their offseason, but this team will live and die with the running game. If they can get Chad Henne to stay as mistake free as possible and control the time of possession, they should be able to stay in most games. It will fall on Ricky Williams, Ronnie Brown and Patrick Cobbs to pile up first downs and keep their defense off the field.
Why they won’t win: First 11 games: @BUF, @MIN, NYJ, NE, @GB, PIT, @CIN, @BAL, TEN, CHI. For a team banking on a rushing game, that’s a brutal first 3 months. It could be a very disappointing season for the Miami faithful. At least they have a fun basketball season to distract them.
Fun Fact: I’m watching MacGruber right now, and it’s actually pretty funny. The villain is being played by someone who looks like he ate Val Kilmer. May have to IMDB this later to see who it is…
New York Jets: (7-9)
Why they will win: First off, let me say I haven’t watched any of the Hard Knocks episodes. Today I heard someone on the radio defending what apparently is an abundance of swearing on that show. It turns out enough people were upset that the NFL issued an apology. Really? It’s an uncensored show-on HBO-following football players around. People weren’t expecting swearing? Must be the same idiots that follow TO’s and Ocho’s tweets. Anyways, the Jets have a good defense and a good offensive line, but I’m not sold on them. You know who they beat last year? Hang on; let’s just go to the next paragraph.
Why they won’t win: HOU, NE, TEN, OAK, CAR, BUF, TB. Followed by the second strings of both IND and CIN. Now we’re supposed to believe Mark Sanchez is going to take them to the Super Bowl. I’m not buying it. I say they collapse under too much hype and (apparently) too much swearing. I also say Mark Sanchez ends up with more INT than TD. Oh, and MacGruber gathers a cult following over the next couple years.
Fun Fact: Mark Sanchez had 12 TD and 20 INT last year. That gave him a 63.0 QB rating. Super Bowl. I love New York.
Buffalo Bills: (5-11)
How they could win: ?
Why they will lose: Sadly there is a QB competition in this country that involves Trent Edwards, Brian Brohm and Ryan Fitzpatrick. Makes the situation in Oakland seem pretty awesome, doesn’t it? The Bills do have the best punter in the league in Brian Moorman. I’m sure it’ll seem weird if I tell you to watch the offense just so you can see Moorman punt, but you seriously should. CJ Spiller will be fun to watch, so there’s that too. The Bills are rumored to be moving to Toronto soon, so I’ll be rooting for them to buck the odds and win the whole thing. No city should have to lose a sports team and hopefully a bunch of wins will prevent that from happening.
Fun Fact: I cut a very good joke from this write up about Brian Moorman, Ben Roethlisberger and being inside the 20.
The NFC predictions begin tomorrow!
AFC NORTH
Baltimore Ravens: (12-4)
Why they will win: What do you do with a QB coming into his own? Grab 2 great receivers to help him into his prime. That’s what Baltimore did with Flacco by signing Anquan Boldin to play alongside Derrick Mason. Anytime you can grab a player who only missed 2 games after BREAKING HIS FACE, you have to do it. Especially when he notched 1000 yards that season and the next. Place those guys with Ray Rice, a guy ready to become a top 5 RB, and you have a seriously good offense. Combine that with a great run defense that adds Terrance Cody and Sergio Kindle and you have a Super Bowl contender. Imagine if they were to add an extra WR with 391 catches the last 4 years? Someone with between 900-1150 yards every year since ’04? No way would that happen unless Pete Carroll was involved somehow…
Why they might lose: First 6 games look tough (@NYJ, @CIN, CLE, @PIT, DEN, @NE) that ends up not being so bad when you realize that the Jets top CB just started practicing this week and Pittsburgh will probably still have Dixon playing QB. Plus the rest of the division isn’t top-notch right now. Cincy has dueling reality stars, Pittsburgh is without Big “Rap sheet” Ben Roethlisberger till week 5 and Cleveland is Cleveland. Baltimore should be golden.
Fun Fact: Did you know TJ Houshmandzadeh was Seattle’s number 1 receiver last year? Did you know Seattle’s new coach wanted his buddy Mike Williams to be the star receiver so now Baltimore gets TJ for a little over 800k? Or that Mike Williams hasn’t even been in the league since 2007, the year he showed up at camp weighing 270 lbs? I defy anyone to convince me this ends well for Seattle.
Cincinnati Bengals: (9-7)
Why they could win: TO and Ochocinco could both be weapons for Carson Palmer. Cedric Benson could be as good as he was last year. Truthfully, if that offense plays up to their ability and the defense plays above-average, the Bengals should be able to sneak into the playoffs. However…
Why they could lose: …I don't see it happening. I think Palmer is an excellent QB and leader, but I don’t see him controlling TO and Ocho. No way those two coexist. Have there ever been 2 less likable teammates? Does anyone even watch either of their TV shows, read either of their tweets, care what either of them EVER has to say? I just don’t believe they’re relevant anymore. I have run into exactly 0 people the last 3 years who wanted to talk about TO or Ocho. I’ve discussed the WNBA with my friends more times than I have discussed those two. I wish they would just go away and leave my ESPN alone. Also, my good friend Brian (a Bears fan) swears to me that Cedric Benson came from the lower levels of hell. I see bad things in the future for the Bengals.
Fun Fact: Just Googled it: TO has 505,000 followers on Twitter, Ocho has over 1.2 million. What is wrong with people?
Pittsburgh Steelers: (8-8)
Why they will win: Maybe the NFL will fix a few games for them like they fixed that one Super Bowl…
Why they will lose: Big Ben garnered a 4 game suspension after his audition for “Dateline: To Catch a Predator”. Leftwich is injured for the first 3 games at least. That leaves Donald Dixon and Charlie Batch behind an offensive line that let up 50 sacks last season. On a personal note, I will absolutely be watching Pittsburgh’s first 4 games. You’re all welcome to watch the games with me. We can do shots every time Dixon gets hit by four guys at once and the camera cuts to a sullen Ben Roethlisberger on the sidelines.
Fun Fact: I do not like the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Cleveland Browns: (3-13)
How they can win: I love me some Mike Holmgren, but unless you can clone Joshua Cribbs a dozen times, this team is not winning.
Why they will lose: I’m not sure I need to pile it on poor Cleveland. I always liked Seneca Wallace and Jake Delhomme but, uh, you’re not winning in 2010 with those two. Should be fun watching Jake Locker learn other Mike Holmgren the next couple years though!
Fun Fact: Eric Mangini is still the head coach in Cleveland! I just found my candidate for “First NFL coach to be fired”! I may have to call Vegas and see if I can box him and Lovie Smith together in a bet.
AFC EAST
New England Patriots: (10-6)
Why they will win: Tom Brady and Wes Welker bounce back from their knee injuries (Brady 2 years ago, Welker last year), Moss gets past whatever is bothering him (full disclosure: I didn’t read the article, all I saw was a headline saying something like “Moss Unhappy” or “Randy is upset at team”. I can’t tell you how little I care about emotional turmoil today’s athletes go through. Read up on what Elgin Baylor and Bill Russell had to experience during their playing days and then see if you have any interest in listening to Moss complain). A running back by committee works behind an awesome passing attack and a draft spent focusing on defense shores up what holes there were. If everything falls into place, this could be one great team.
Why they could lose: Brady and Welker don’t bounce back from their injuries, Moss can’t get past whatever is bothering him (seriously, what could it be? He has millions in the bank, he has a QB who loves throwing him the long ball…I’m almost slightly curious now. Was Moss upset at the signing of Torry Holt? Seems like he would benefit from an extra receiver taking pressure off of him. Maybe he’s bummed that he has one of the top coaches in football? Doesn’t seem like that would make sense. I may have to go look…), all the running backs end up sucking. I don’t foresee any of this happening, but you never know.
Fun Fact: It was his contract! He’s in the final year of his contract and is frustrated that they haven’t signed him to an extension yet. He’s 33, by the way.
Miami Dolphins: (8-8)
Why they will win: Getting Brandon Marshall was the big deal of their offseason, but this team will live and die with the running game. If they can get Chad Henne to stay as mistake free as possible and control the time of possession, they should be able to stay in most games. It will fall on Ricky Williams, Ronnie Brown and Patrick Cobbs to pile up first downs and keep their defense off the field.
Why they won’t win: First 11 games: @BUF, @MIN, NYJ, NE, @GB, PIT, @CIN, @BAL, TEN, CHI. For a team banking on a rushing game, that’s a brutal first 3 months. It could be a very disappointing season for the Miami faithful. At least they have a fun basketball season to distract them.
Fun Fact: I’m watching MacGruber right now, and it’s actually pretty funny. The villain is being played by someone who looks like he ate Val Kilmer. May have to IMDB this later to see who it is…
New York Jets: (7-9)
Why they will win: First off, let me say I haven’t watched any of the Hard Knocks episodes. Today I heard someone on the radio defending what apparently is an abundance of swearing on that show. It turns out enough people were upset that the NFL issued an apology. Really? It’s an uncensored show-on HBO-following football players around. People weren’t expecting swearing? Must be the same idiots that follow TO’s and Ocho’s tweets. Anyways, the Jets have a good defense and a good offensive line, but I’m not sold on them. You know who they beat last year? Hang on; let’s just go to the next paragraph.
Why they won’t win: HOU, NE, TEN, OAK, CAR, BUF, TB. Followed by the second strings of both IND and CIN. Now we’re supposed to believe Mark Sanchez is going to take them to the Super Bowl. I’m not buying it. I say they collapse under too much hype and (apparently) too much swearing. I also say Mark Sanchez ends up with more INT than TD. Oh, and MacGruber gathers a cult following over the next couple years.
Fun Fact: Mark Sanchez had 12 TD and 20 INT last year. That gave him a 63.0 QB rating. Super Bowl. I love New York.
Buffalo Bills: (5-11)
How they could win: ?
Why they will lose: Sadly there is a QB competition in this country that involves Trent Edwards, Brian Brohm and Ryan Fitzpatrick. Makes the situation in Oakland seem pretty awesome, doesn’t it? The Bills do have the best punter in the league in Brian Moorman. I’m sure it’ll seem weird if I tell you to watch the offense just so you can see Moorman punt, but you seriously should. CJ Spiller will be fun to watch, so there’s that too. The Bills are rumored to be moving to Toronto soon, so I’ll be rooting for them to buck the odds and win the whole thing. No city should have to lose a sports team and hopefully a bunch of wins will prevent that from happening.
Fun Fact: I cut a very good joke from this write up about Brian Moorman, Ben Roethlisberger and being inside the 20.
The NFC predictions begin tomorrow!
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