Winless In Seattle
Steve Sauro
Elliott Smith4th pick overall? Still young? Let's trade him...
October 16th 2011 09:45
:
Week 6
While thinking about how to open this weeks picks column, I was looking at my Tivo. Or DVR. Every time I call my cable company about my Tivo, without fail, they correct me and tell me it is a DVR. Looking at my DVR (it's a Tivo), I had many great options to choose from. Archer, Louie, Flight of the Conchords, Eurotrip (great movie. Underrated), Community, The Soup, The Daily Show...all were available for viewing. Other than Eurotrip, which I have seen numerous times (it ranks up there with MacGruber and Mystery Science Theater 3000 for me), I had not seen the new episode of any of the other shows. Yet, because of my past experiences, I somehow knew they would be solid (still unproven, but probably accurate). It then occurred to me that there was a trend involved.
Almost none of the shows I had recorded were from the four major networks (ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX). The exception was Community, and the only reason I started watching that was because I was such a huge fan of Joel McCale (UW!). I don't watch "Reality TV", and that takes a huge chunk out of what is on television, but mostly I just don't watch any of the four networks. This isn't a "holier than thou" approach; I would never assume one person's choices are better than another. It's a matter of preference, not a matter of substance (unless you like 2 Broke Girls, that's just embarrassing. I've seen the promos, that needs to be stopped. Quick aside: I get the gist, one girl is supposed to be Paris Hilton. There was that show where Paris Hilton toured the country and worked like "regular folk" for a couple hours a year and shrieked every time she had to push a broom or look at a mop. The Real Life? With Lionel Richie's daughter? Was that it? Regardless, Two Broke Girls is supposed to be like that. It has some blonde who was rich and isn't, or pretends she isn't, or just wants to work at a diner...whatever. My point is, why isn't she attractive? Is it that tough to find a ditzy blonde who is cute? Isn't Hollywood full of women like that? How tough could it be to look attractive AND sell some bad jokes? I'm sorry this parenthesis is so long). I came to realize that I had no idea if any of the network show were good or not (except 2 Broke Girls). I've never seen them, I've never asked about them, I just don't know. I once watched Two and a Half Men with my Dad and the two of us spent 30 minutes calling out punch lines before the setups were even finished. But that doesn't mean it hasn't improved with Ashton Kutcher. That show might be awesome now, I would have no idea. I've never seen Mike and Molly, maybe that show is great. How would I know?
This all ties into my thinking of sports. Among the teams I hate; like really hate; the Yankees, the Cowboys, the Stealers (ha!) and the Lakers are right up there (but none as much as OKC). They are all the most popular in their given field (you see the connection?), they all have the most money to work with (I'm including the money the Stealers give the refs every week) and they all appeal to the widest possible base of fans. So maybe it's me that is the problem. Unlike network television, I do watch these teams play, but I do so with the same vigor usually reserved for mosquitoes and in-laws. I could try and see past my built up hatred of the majority of players involved. Maybe Big Ben was wrongfully charged, numerous times, and is actually a man of high moral fiber. Maybe Kobe is a good guy, unlike the way he is seemingly perceived by literally every teammate I have ever seen him with. Maybe Arod isn't a douchebag. The point is that for almost my entire adult life, I have gone into situations assuming I would hate something. Perhaps it is me, perhaps I should be more open to things I was not originally open to.
Except 2 Broke Girls. Man that looks shitty.
Onto the picks...
Carolina @ Atlanta
Among those things I missed out on: Cam Newton. Sure, he (probably) got paid to play at Auburn, but that was no reason to think he was going to suck in Carolina. He's played well for a rookie, even though he probably took a pay cut from last year. Atlanta, however, has already lost as many games this year as they did all of last year. They were ahead 14-0, and yet, at no point after Green Bay came back did you thing Atlanta could still win the game. They just seem...lacking. But that's an issue for another game. They should beat an upstart Panthers team, and if they don't, they should start trading whoever they can and rebuild for next season.
Falcons 27-24
Indy @ Cincy
Indy was ahead by 17 points last week. Against the Chiefs. They lost. Against the Chiefs. You're tanking, we know it, Godspeed.
Bengals 21-10
San Fran @ Detroit
My beloved Seahawks won on the road, in an early start (they had lost 11 of 12 in that situation), against New York. That is an awesome morning. And then San Fran had to go and spoil it by beating Tampa Bay by like a trillion points. Seriously, Niners, what the hell? You play in the NFC West. Stop it! Beating NY on the road is one thing, but embarrassing a good Tampa Bay team in the way that you did, not cool. Not cool at all. Detroit is rightfully favored here, so don't try and be the hero. You'll still be up by 1.5 games if you lose, and if the Seahawks somehow beat Cleveland and Cincy the next two weeks, then you can start playing hard again. Until then, relax. NFC West guys. NFC West.
Lions 32-21
St. Louis @ Green Bay
Announcer 1: And there are a few Rams fans here...
Announcer 2: Don't do it.
Announcer 1: They seem to be chanting something.
Announcer 2: C'mon man.
Announcer 1: This is strange, the Rams are down by 28, but there is a definite chant arising from their side of the stands.
Announcer 2: Tebow.
Announcer 1: Seems to be a name. I think they are chanting a name.
Announcer 2: They are chanting Tebow. Same draft, Bradford was the first QB taken. Tebow was the 2nd. This is dumb. It's two different teams.
Announcer 1: I think they are chanting Tebow! I think they are calling for Tim Tebow!
Announcer 2: So dumb. Denver has a bye week. I thought I could get through a week without this happening.
Announcer 1: Yep, they're chanting Tebow! I don't think he's available. Any thoughts?
Announcer 2: I hate my life.
Packers 38-10
Buffalo @ NY Giants
I hate this pick. I, like everyone, am rooting for Buffalo. The Bills are coming off a game where a couple tipped passed won them the contest where as the Giants are coming off a game where a couple tipped passes lost them the contest. Two straight home losses versus the Bills going 5-1? I hate this pick.
Giants 26-24
Jacksonville @ Pittsburgh
Jags this week, Cards next week? Fine, whatever, we'll figure out if you're good or not come those home games against the Pats and Ravens.
Stealers a lot, Jags whatever
Philly @ Washington
Going into the bye week, the Eagles have to win this, don't they? Let's put it this way; if the Redskins win this game they will be 3.5 games up on Philly after only 5 games played. That seems highly improbable. Right?
Eagles 31-21
Cleveland @ Oakland
Last Sunday, I went to the Clubhouse 66 to watch the Seahawks game (we beat New York, on the road, in an early game. Did I mention that yet?) The bar was full of Raider fans, and after Al Davis' death, the game against Houston became kind of a rite of passage. Watching the Raiders pull that game out, in excruciating fashion by the way, was a lot of fun. Other Seahawks agreed as the organization sent Aaron Curry (2009 4th pick overall) to the Raiders for a couple of shitty draft picks. I'm calling it here first: Curry will be an All-Pro within two years. Because, of course he will.
Raiders 31-21
Houston @ Baltimore
Houston fan: We're gonna kill the Ravens!!!
Any other fan: Really? They're pretty good. You guys have what it takes?
Houston fan: Hell ya! Done deal!
Any other fan: Who's your best offensive player?
Houston fan: Oh, Andre Johnson. He's amazing! Guy catches everything. Of course, he's out because of a leg injury.
Any other fan: So he's not playing? Will the quarterback be alright?
Houston fan: Matt Schaub? Of course! He's awesome! Of course, he hasn't practiced all week because of his shoulder...
Any other fan: I'll be honest with you, that doesn't sound very promising. Can you at least run against (the best rushing defense in the NFL) Baltimore?
Houston fan: Of course! I mean, Arian Foster is still recovering from that leg injury, but he'll be fine.
Any other fan: I'll be honest with you, this sounds terrible. You guys still have that Mario Williams on defense? He was the number one pick overall, that guy is your glue!
Houston fan: No, he's done for the season.
Any other fan:
Houston fan:
Any other fan:
Houston fan:
Any other fan: How about those Astros?
Ravens 28-10
Dallas @ New England
Oldies
Yet
Relevant
Patriots 38-28
New Orleans @ Tampa Bay
Last week I could have taken Tampa Bay 44, against the Niners, and lost. That's all you need to know. Let's not over think this.
Saints 36-18
Minnesota @ Chicago
During the first quarter of the morning games, I texted more than one friend of mine to make sure "Minn 28, Arz 0" wasn't a misprint. 28-0? In the 1st? Only afterwards did I find out it was AP doing his thing. The question here is can he do it again against a somewhat stingy Bears defense? Or will Cutler avoid breaking Jenna Haze's record for "most time spent on one's back"? I'm leaning towards the team with a semi-legit offensive line.
Vikings 24-14
Miami @ NY Jets
"Sanchez worst quarterback" yielded 2,960,000 results on google in 0.18 seconds. "Matt Moore worst quarterback" yielded 317,000 results on google in 0.17 seconds. Hilarious.
Jets 27-14
Last week: 8-5
Season: 53-24
Almost none of the shows I had recorded were from the four major networks (ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX). The exception was Community, and the only reason I started watching that was because I was such a huge fan of Joel McCale (UW!). I don't watch "Reality TV", and that takes a huge chunk out of what is on television, but mostly I just don't watch any of the four networks. This isn't a "holier than thou" approach; I would never assume one person's choices are better than another. It's a matter of preference, not a matter of substance (unless you like 2 Broke Girls, that's just embarrassing. I've seen the promos, that needs to be stopped. Quick aside: I get the gist, one girl is supposed to be Paris Hilton. There was that show where Paris Hilton toured the country and worked like "regular folk" for a couple hours a year and shrieked every time she had to push a broom or look at a mop. The Real Life? With Lionel Richie's daughter? Was that it? Regardless, Two Broke Girls is supposed to be like that. It has some blonde who was rich and isn't, or pretends she isn't, or just wants to work at a diner...whatever. My point is, why isn't she attractive? Is it that tough to find a ditzy blonde who is cute? Isn't Hollywood full of women like that? How tough could it be to look attractive AND sell some bad jokes? I'm sorry this parenthesis is so long). I came to realize that I had no idea if any of the network show were good or not (except 2 Broke Girls). I've never seen them, I've never asked about them, I just don't know. I once watched Two and a Half Men with my Dad and the two of us spent 30 minutes calling out punch lines before the setups were even finished. But that doesn't mean it hasn't improved with Ashton Kutcher. That show might be awesome now, I would have no idea. I've never seen Mike and Molly, maybe that show is great. How would I know?
This all ties into my thinking of sports. Among the teams I hate; like really hate; the Yankees, the Cowboys, the Stealers (ha!) and the Lakers are right up there (but none as much as OKC). They are all the most popular in their given field (you see the connection?), they all have the most money to work with (I'm including the money the Stealers give the refs every week) and they all appeal to the widest possible base of fans. So maybe it's me that is the problem. Unlike network television, I do watch these teams play, but I do so with the same vigor usually reserved for mosquitoes and in-laws. I could try and see past my built up hatred of the majority of players involved. Maybe Big Ben was wrongfully charged, numerous times, and is actually a man of high moral fiber. Maybe Kobe is a good guy, unlike the way he is seemingly perceived by literally every teammate I have ever seen him with. Maybe Arod isn't a douchebag. The point is that for almost my entire adult life, I have gone into situations assuming I would hate something. Perhaps it is me, perhaps I should be more open to things I was not originally open to.
Except 2 Broke Girls. Man that looks shitty.
Onto the picks...
Carolina @ Atlanta
Among those things I missed out on: Cam Newton. Sure, he (probably) got paid to play at Auburn, but that was no reason to think he was going to suck in Carolina. He's played well for a rookie, even though he probably took a pay cut from last year. Atlanta, however, has already lost as many games this year as they did all of last year. They were ahead 14-0, and yet, at no point after Green Bay came back did you thing Atlanta could still win the game. They just seem...lacking. But that's an issue for another game. They should beat an upstart Panthers team, and if they don't, they should start trading whoever they can and rebuild for next season.
Falcons 27-24
Indy @ Cincy
Indy was ahead by 17 points last week. Against the Chiefs. They lost. Against the Chiefs. You're tanking, we know it, Godspeed.
Bengals 21-10
San Fran @ Detroit
My beloved Seahawks won on the road, in an early start (they had lost 11 of 12 in that situation), against New York. That is an awesome morning. And then San Fran had to go and spoil it by beating Tampa Bay by like a trillion points. Seriously, Niners, what the hell? You play in the NFC West. Stop it! Beating NY on the road is one thing, but embarrassing a good Tampa Bay team in the way that you did, not cool. Not cool at all. Detroit is rightfully favored here, so don't try and be the hero. You'll still be up by 1.5 games if you lose, and if the Seahawks somehow beat Cleveland and Cincy the next two weeks, then you can start playing hard again. Until then, relax. NFC West guys. NFC West.
Lions 32-21
St. Louis @ Green Bay
Announcer 1: And there are a few Rams fans here...
Announcer 2: Don't do it.
Announcer 1: They seem to be chanting something.
Announcer 2: C'mon man.
Announcer 1: This is strange, the Rams are down by 28, but there is a definite chant arising from their side of the stands.
Announcer 2: Tebow.
Announcer 1: Seems to be a name. I think they are chanting a name.
Announcer 2: They are chanting Tebow. Same draft, Bradford was the first QB taken. Tebow was the 2nd. This is dumb. It's two different teams.
Announcer 1: I think they are chanting Tebow! I think they are calling for Tim Tebow!
Announcer 2: So dumb. Denver has a bye week. I thought I could get through a week without this happening.
Announcer 1: Yep, they're chanting Tebow! I don't think he's available. Any thoughts?
Announcer 2: I hate my life.
Packers 38-10
Buffalo @ NY Giants
I hate this pick. I, like everyone, am rooting for Buffalo. The Bills are coming off a game where a couple tipped passed won them the contest where as the Giants are coming off a game where a couple tipped passes lost them the contest. Two straight home losses versus the Bills going 5-1? I hate this pick.
Giants 26-24
Jacksonville @ Pittsburgh
Jags this week, Cards next week? Fine, whatever, we'll figure out if you're good or not come those home games against the Pats and Ravens.
Stealers a lot, Jags whatever
Philly @ Washington
Going into the bye week, the Eagles have to win this, don't they? Let's put it this way; if the Redskins win this game they will be 3.5 games up on Philly after only 5 games played. That seems highly improbable. Right?
Eagles 31-21
Cleveland @ Oakland
Last Sunday, I went to the Clubhouse 66 to watch the Seahawks game (we beat New York, on the road, in an early game. Did I mention that yet?) The bar was full of Raider fans, and after Al Davis' death, the game against Houston became kind of a rite of passage. Watching the Raiders pull that game out, in excruciating fashion by the way, was a lot of fun. Other Seahawks agreed as the organization sent Aaron Curry (2009 4th pick overall) to the Raiders for a couple of shitty draft picks. I'm calling it here first: Curry will be an All-Pro within two years. Because, of course he will.
Raiders 31-21
Houston @ Baltimore
Houston fan: We're gonna kill the Ravens!!!
Any other fan: Really? They're pretty good. You guys have what it takes?
Houston fan: Hell ya! Done deal!
Any other fan: Who's your best offensive player?
Houston fan: Oh, Andre Johnson. He's amazing! Guy catches everything. Of course, he's out because of a leg injury.
Any other fan: So he's not playing? Will the quarterback be alright?
Houston fan: Matt Schaub? Of course! He's awesome! Of course, he hasn't practiced all week because of his shoulder...
Any other fan: I'll be honest with you, that doesn't sound very promising. Can you at least run against (the best rushing defense in the NFL) Baltimore?
Houston fan: Of course! I mean, Arian Foster is still recovering from that leg injury, but he'll be fine.
Any other fan: I'll be honest with you, this sounds terrible. You guys still have that Mario Williams on defense? He was the number one pick overall, that guy is your glue!
Houston fan: No, he's done for the season.
Any other fan:
Houston fan:
Any other fan:
Houston fan:
Any other fan: How about those Astros?
Ravens 28-10
Dallas @ New England
Oldies
Yet
Relevant
Patriots 38-28
New Orleans @ Tampa Bay
Last week I could have taken Tampa Bay 44, against the Niners, and lost. That's all you need to know. Let's not over think this.
Saints 36-18
Minnesota @ Chicago
During the first quarter of the morning games, I texted more than one friend of mine to make sure "Minn 28, Arz 0" wasn't a misprint. 28-0? In the 1st? Only afterwards did I find out it was AP doing his thing. The question here is can he do it again against a somewhat stingy Bears defense? Or will Cutler avoid breaking Jenna Haze's record for "most time spent on one's back"? I'm leaning towards the team with a semi-legit offensive line.
Vikings 24-14
Miami @ NY Jets
"Sanchez worst quarterback" yielded 2,960,000 results on google in 0.18 seconds. "Matt Moore worst quarterback" yielded 317,000 results on google in 0.17 seconds. Hilarious.
Jets 27-14
Last week: 8-5
Season: 53-24
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